Most of us manage to communicate only with family and colleagues, and even then in a regular time pressure. Somehow social networks save, but communication replaces it just like a sweet candy - a full meal. The pleasant taste and feeling of hunger go away, but the body does not receive anything useful.
There are many factors that affect adult communication, including purely age factors - after 30, professional success and our own family are really important for us. In this fuss, we can simply lose sight of the fact that the support and trust of like-minded people is greatly lacking. What to do with friendship after 30 and where to look for your own kind? We analyzed 10 common problems in adult friendships.
1. Tell me who is your friend?
As a child, it was enough for a joint sandbox to find a peer in the yard. Now we are looking at what kind of person this is, how he will behave, what interests he has.
How to make friends? Choose people with a similar lifestyle. Life is changing and you have to accept it. Girls exchange sales addresses, and mothers communicate at playgrounds.
2. Distrust
As long as we were not betrayed, left alone, offended and blamed, we could open up to everyone. Now we don't want to get burned so easily.
How to make friends? Caution does not interfere with the understanding that people can be different. After all, childish naivety did not insure us against failures, such insurance does not exist at any age.
3. No time
We didn't have kids, husbands, or elderly relatives, and school didn't seem as stressful as working life.
How to make friends? Family and work are also not always easy for us, but we still pay attention to this. Friendship requires the same. Consciously set aside at least an hour a week for meetings, calls and exchanges, and you will see how quickly friends will become closer to you.
4. Fear of making the first move
The mother led the girl with bows by the hand, and although embarrassment interfered, contact was still made. If you are a businessman in a formal suit, it is not so easy for you to show that you are not averse to chatting with a neighbor in the stairwell.
How to make friends? In the modern world, there are many ways to change your image - go on vacation, sign up for language courses - get out of your own frame, relax and be a sociable person.
5. Fixation on problems
All adult duties are now ours, and the head is only busy with paying bills, taking the car for inspection, buying food for the family.
How to make friends? Friendship implies mutual interest, a tense person does not cause a desire to communicate with him. Even a banal conversation about the weather or a compliment to a colleague can be the start of a good attachment.
6. Nothing to talk about
Everyone now has their own life, their own problems and experiences. Sometimes, finding ourselves together in an elevator or at a table during lunch at work, we feel awkward, even having both the time and the opportunity to communicate.
How to make friends? The problem is our expectations. In our youth, we looked for joy in friendship, and now we try to maintain etiquette. It is important to relax, and the theme will come from the environment.
7. Don't want to fit in
Now we are adults, important and. No more concessions and zero tolerance. Instead of a cheerful company, we end up with proud loneliness. After all, no one wants to adapt to us.
How to make friends? Without forgiveness, there is no intimacy. Don't worry, everyone is just as important as you and everyone will benefit from being the first to understand it. The lack of communication is worth paying for with minor complications.
8. Neglect of small contacts
Who knows where we will meet someone who will understand us best. Maybe it's the woman in the market that you refused to give advice to, or your husband's colleague that you're jealous of for no reason.
How to make friends? The degree of hostility to others also interferes with communication. It seems that all these connections are unimportant, but nevertheless, these are also people who have nothing bad for you.
9. Self-importance
How many of us thought about ourselves when we were small and young? Now your own individuality becomes the center of everything and first you want to advance your interests and get what is important to you.
How to make friends? The essence of friendship is interest in others. Do you really want to communicate with this or that person? Do you know what he likes to eat, where he goes on vacation and where he studied? Try asking and observe how you feel.
10. Search for a match
While we are young, and in maturity, we mistakenly think that friends will replace such connections for us. But despite the fact that a friend is close in many ways, he cannot love you for who you are completely and unconditionally.
How to make friends? Can you say that you have something to interest people? Are you interesting to yourself, do you care about development, do you learn new things? People are drawn to those who are passionate about something and achieve results. First of all, this, and only then the problems and expectations of support from friends.
People begin to feel the power of friendship from childhood - first in kindergarten, and then at school. Perhaps it is difficult to argue with the fact that a lonely person often has a much more difficult life than someone who has at least one comrade. Of course, some people can adapt to life without friends, but subconsciously, most likely, they will need them.
Of course, friendship is not just communication of interests, but something more. As you know, relatives are not chosen, but with friends the situation is completely different! If you communicate with a person and call him your friend, then he is really important to you, just like you are to him.
Whatever storms occur in a person's life, he knows that his comrades will always support him. However, he may not even count on it, but real friends will still notice that he has problems and will come to the rescue. Of course, you should not equate friends with "vests" in which you can cry on occasion. Perhaps true friendship is manifested not in grief, but in joy. If a person can sincerely rejoice that everything is fine with you materially and in your personal life, despite the fact that he himself is going through hard times, you can be sure that you can rely on him in any situation.
The readiness and desire to share sorrows and joys with another person is the main indicator of friendship.
"Do not have a hundred rubles, but have a hundred friends"
True true friends, what are they
How to determine if a real friend is next to you? Perhaps this is just an acquaintance or friend with whom you sometimes like to spend leisure time? Think about whether you can trust him with your secrets, can you ask for help in a critical situation, are you ready to sacrifice your comfort or money to help this person? If you answer yes to all these questions, then most likely you really have a strong friendship in your life.
At the same time, it is important to note that real friends will not demand sacrifices from you and manipulate you - they do not at all consider that you owe them something. Of course, they will be grateful for your help, but if you cannot help, then, of course, they will not curse you. By the way, this factor is an indicator for you personally. If a person turned to you for help, and you came up with a reason why you don’t want to help him, and you yourself understand this very well, then perhaps your friendship is one-sided or it doesn’t exist at all.
Pros and cons of friendship
pros
1. Help: support in difficult emotional and moral situations. If a loved one left you, then a girlfriend or friend, as a rule, is ready to console you. With them, you can escape from your experiences by visiting interesting places in their company and pronouncing millet. In a difficult financial situation, friends, if possible, are also ready to help you, borrow money or simply support for free.
2. Leisure: if you have a girlfriend or boyfriend, it is always easier to diversify your leisure time. You can go together to a cafe, to a party, to a club, to a cinema, walk along the alleys, go for a run in the park or just sit at home with a cup of tea.
3. Tips: we all periodically need advice, and the more close people there are, the more likely it is to get the information you need. This can apply to many aspects: which store is currently stocking, whether a new hair color will suit you, how to get to a particular area where it is better to repair your phone. Of course, all this information, if desired, can be found on the Web, but friends often help out much better.
Minuses
1. Certain commitments: Many people are reluctant to develop additional friendships, realizing that this imposes some kind of obligation. If a person leads a quiet and secluded lifestyle, one or two friends are quite enough for him. A large number of friends involves many meetings, phone calls, joint celebrations of holidays, giving gifts for birthdays and important dates. For some, this all comes easily and with joy, but for some people it is a burden.
Of course, other problems may arise - rivalry, envy, and the like. In this case, the friendship is probably heading towards its decline.
Where and how to find a friend for communication
Don't be afraid to make new friends
In general, if you wish, it is not so difficult to find new friends - such connections can start in a completely unexpected place. However, if you are purposefully looking for a person for friendship, then, of course, it is better not to rely on chance, but to act. So, where is the easiest place for girls and women to find girlfriends?
Group lessons
If you are trying to lead a healthy lifestyle and are not alien to sports, then you can meet a potential friend at a group fitness, yoga or dance class. Communication can start both in the classes themselves and on the way home - most likely, you will definitely be with someone along the way. The advantage of group training is that everyone goes home at the same time, and you can easily determine with whom you have the same or similar route.
Master classes
In many cities, master classes in various areas are periodically held - cooking, drawing, pottery and much more. As a rule, people also start communication at such events.
Trainings
A good option can be various psychological trainings. By the way, a win-win training can be one that just highlights the problem of finding friends or somehow relates to this topic. But, in general, other events are quite suitable for you - “How to beat the autumn blues”, “Etiquette lessons”, “How to learn to love yourself” and many others.
Communicate on the Internet on dating sites, in contact, in chats and forums
Many people manage to find on the Web not only a soul mate, but also real friends. For example, in VKontakte there are special communities dedicated to this topic. If you live in a big city, then most likely you will easily find an entry in the right section about looking for friendship of a person from your city. To simplify your task, you can go straight to a dating site, where girls and women have long been looking for not only potential lovers, but also girlfriends.
Also pay attention to the existence of many forums where young mothers are looking for a company for walking (perhaps you yourself are one of them), beginners and experienced travelers are looking for a fellow traveler, and students offer to rent an apartment for two. In general, there are quite a lot of various women's forums!
Do not forget about already existing acquaintances or forgotten old friends
It often happens that we forget about someone or some person quietly drops out of our lives. In many cases, especially if there were no serious disagreements, contact can be made again. We can talk about old friends with whom fate divorced you - from school, college, former place of work, etc.
Another option is not excluded - perhaps you do not notice that among your acquaintances there are women or girls who, most likely, would not mind making friends. Perhaps this is a lonely neighbor, to whom you could drop by for matches, and at the same time invite you for tea. It can also be a colleague or some other acquaintance.
How to make friends after moving
1. To another city
Surely, having moved to another city, you will soon begin to study or work there, so you should not have big problems finding new acquaintances who may well become your friends later.
Although, of course, it is possible that you do not plan to attend a university or get a job in the near future, it is quite possible that you have moved with your husband and are going to lead the life of a housewife. In this situation, it will be more difficult for you, but, of course, there is a way out of it. You don't have to sit at home all day. You may well sign up for yoga or cooking classes, where you can meet other girls or women. If you really moved to another city for your other half, then it is possible that your companion has a familiar married couple whom you may well invite to visit.
2. To a foreign country
In this situation, you can do the same as recommended in the previous paragraph. However, of course, there is a difference - perhaps the language barrier will interfere with you. In such situations, it would be appropriate to enroll in a foreign language course (the one that is common in the country of your current residence) for expats. In such courses, you have a very high chance of getting to know your fellow citizens and establishing friendly relations with them. However, you can also find friends on the appropriate forum for foreigners like you.
3. On vacation
Making friends on vacation is very easy. At the same time, it doesn’t matter whether you want to find a girlfriend on vacation, or you arrived with your husband, and now together look for another couple for a fun pastime. It is important to bear in mind that some people are especially open to new acquaintances on vacation, while others, on the contrary, prefer not to contact other people once again during this period.
If you set out to make a new acquaintance precisely on vacation, then choose group tours to another country - so you have more chances to unite with other travelers.
Search for new friends or companies of interest
Attend various themed events
Such events will not only help you find new acquaintances and friends, but also, most likely, expand your knowledge in a particular area. These activities are quite varied. This may be a training that deals with the study of family affairs, psychology, and so on. It could also be a themed party.
Sign up for a sports section or hobby class
Perhaps this is one of the most productive ways to find a girlfriend or boyfriend. As we have already pointed out, group classes can be especially effective. Although, if you just go to the gym, you can also make friends there. Remember which of the visitors you often cross paths with. If this person seems interesting to you, and you would like to strike up a friendship with him, then you can start a casual conversation with him. You can simply ask what time the gym is open until or ask how to use one or another simulator. Even such a short dialogue gives you the opportunity to move on to a longer communication next time - start with a greeting, and then the conversation will most likely start on its own - especially if the person is in the mood for communication.
The same rule applies to any interest class. You can always ask for advice, subsequently engaging in a longer dialogue.
Be open to communication
Pay attention to what is happening around you. Perhaps if you were a little more observant, then you could have a girlfriend a long time ago. Think about it, maybe a colleague or classmate periodically turns to you with a question? If so, then, for sure, this girl is determined to establish communication with you. Notice any signs of interest in yourself!
Note that for many people dating in such public places as parks, squares, cafes and so on is not at all alien. If you are forced to visit such places alone, do not dive into yourself, consider with interest everything that you see next to you. Absorption in oneself often repels people, but a keen interest in the world around them may well attract someone.
Don't shut yourself up and stay at home
If you are almost always at home, then you do not have too many opportunities to make new friends. More precisely, as a rule, it is only one - a dating site or other resources on the Web. Many people are skeptical about this method of finding a company, and if you are one of them, then you have a very low chance of finding a soul mate soon.
If you are looking for a potential lover or girlfriend, then get out into the world more often. Accept any invitation. It is very useful for you to be where a crowd of people is planned - the celebration of someone's birthday, the New Year, a master class and the like. The more often you go out to people, the more likely you are to make new acquaintances.
To have many friends, you need to be able to be a good friend, right?
Of course, in friendship, not only is it impossible to demand, but it is also important to be able to “give”. Many friendships are torn due to the fact that comrades are disappointed in each other or do not justify any hopes. To prevent this from happening through your fault, it's important to treat your friends the way you would like them to treat you.
What qualities are important to have a good friend:
- A good friend will always notice that something is wrong with you, even if you don't talk about it directly. A bad friend, on the contrary, even noticing that something is wrong with a friend, prefers to ignore this fact so as not to incur any problems or listen to tirades about other people's troubles.
- A good friend does not have to ask for any help. Knowing that you are in some kind of trouble, he himself will try to help you. If this is not in his competence, then he will at least help out with advice or words of support.
- A good friend tries to keep his promises, so as not to let his comrade down in any case. If plans suddenly change, then he will certainly warn you about this so that you do not count in vain, and then there would be no time to change something.
- A good friend will not look for a reason to be offended or try to make you feel guilty if it can be avoided. The person to whom you are dear, even if you make a mistake or do wrong, will first of all try to understand you and the motives for your actions.
- A good friend will try to give you a shoulder of support in difficult situations, but this will not be the main indicator of his trustworthiness. True friends are manifested precisely in joy. A true friend, if he envies you, then only with white envy. He does not ignore your achievements, but pays special attention to them, giving you praise and compliments.
- A good friend does not try to find his weakest sides in the interlocutor, in order to ridicule them later or somehow belittle them even more - on the contrary, he will try to increase your self-esteem. He will always give you a compliment to make you feel more confident. And even if you really have some kind of problem in appearance, a real friend or girlfriend will bring it to you as delicately as possible, so as not to offend or hurt your feelings in any way.
How to make friends if I'm 30 or older
For family. If you have a child, then finding a girlfriend will be quite easy. Often, girls who give birth to children break off relationships with childless friends, as there are fewer and fewer common topics for discussion and common interests. Your ideal way out is the same young mothers, whom you can easily meet on the playground, in the child development center, expecting a baby after kindergarten or some kind of developmental circle. There are forums where other mothers are looking for companions for joint walks with the kids.
If you do not have children, then a regular dating site may also suit you. There you can find a girlfriend according to the criteria you need. She, too, can be a family woman, which can subsequently result in friendship in pairs. Also, family people often make acquaintances in holiday homes.
For the lonely. Single women find it no more difficult to find a girlfriend than married women. All the same dating sites and forums can serve to help you. Also pay attention to various classes - in the pool, dance studio, sewing courses and the like. As a rule, a joint business is very conducive to rapprochement and establishing contacts.
How to get yourself a best friend
If you have decided that you need a best friend, and have already decided on a candidate, now it's time to establish a close friendship. In order for you to have a bosom friend, you also need to put in some diligence.
1. Be proactive
To make friends with any girl, you, at a minimum, need to see her regularly. If you see that a potential girlfriend is disposed to communicate, then take advantage of this. Periodically invite her to interesting places - to exhibitions, to the cinema, to the skating rink, various master classes, to cafes and the like. Spending time together will certainly begin to bring you closer.
2. Be open to suggestions
If a friend you want to see as your girlfriend invites you to some places that are alien to you, then you should not immediately refuse. For example, she is an avid theatergoer, and the theater makes you bored. Nevertheless, accept the invitation, because the main thing in this situation is communication. Respect other people's tastes and try to expand your usual boundaries.
3. Stay connected
Some people, seeking to make friends, get in touch with them mainly when it is convenient for them. Reciprocity is important in friendship, so if a friend called you and you missed the call, be sure to call her back. She should know that you are always open to communication, and not just when it suits you.
4. Be honest
5. Be caring
Friendship is all about caring for the other person. Pay attention to the tastes and habits of your girlfriend. From time to time you can make her cute surprises. For example, she is very fond of white chocolate. Bring a bar of such chocolate to one of the meetings, noting that you saw it in the store, remembered your friend and decided to please her. If a friend is sick, then it is unacceptable to say: “Well, if you get well, we’ll call you!”. Offer to visit her. If for some reason this is inconvenient for a friend, then call her regularly, inquiring about her state of health.
6. Don't be intrusive
Of course, in everything it is important to observe the measure. Try to call no more than once a day, unless otherwise agreed. Do not complain to your friend if she ignored your call (the person could be all in business, and then forget to call back).
Remember that friendship should make life easier by bringing positive emotions into it, and not be suffocating.
In school and student years, one interesting conversation or lunch break, and sometimes a fleeting acquaintance, was enough to make a new friend. The reason is that the strength of the desire to communicate at this age is very high. Over the years, character traits become less flexible, principles become more rigid, there is less free time and it seems that it is difficult to make new friends. But in fact, the main thing is to have a desire.
1. Joint spending of free time with colleagues.
It seems that this is the fastest and easiest solution to the problem. On the positive side, common unifying topics of conversation. The negative side is the likelihood that all friendship will be limited to these conversations. At the same time, psychologists say that thanks to friends at work, the level of stress decreases, productivity increases and overall mood improves. Care should also be taken here, because in any work there is envy of the success of a colleague, competition and jealousy.
2. Decide exactly what you need a friend for. For shopping, general hobby or party use. Thus, you will not waste empty time and the search circle will narrow significantly.
3. Eliminate potential friends who are not suitable for you first. If at least something in communication with a person confuses you, you should not cherish the hope that he will improve. As a result, you will get insincere friendship, but complex and unpleasant relationships.
4. If a person flatters and compliments a lot, then you should be wary. And also remember that undisguised jealousy or envy is a fragile foundation for friendship.
6. Where to look for new friends? Everywhere! While walking the dog, in the gym, in line at the clinic, on vacation, in a cafe, in a store. A leisurely conversation can help you get to know each other better, and can be an occasion to exchange contacts. Do not forget about the Internet - this is also a good source of finding friends. Forums will help you find friends with common interests, and social networks will help you reconnect with old acquaintances.
People become socially active from early childhood. Being small, it was not difficult to find a friend for yourself, because it was enough to come up, reach out and invite them to play together. But the older we get, the harder it is to open up and trust new people. Let's find out how to make friends if you are a very shy, insecure person.
Let's say you have recently become lonely, but at the same time you are open to communication and new acquaintances. As a rule, in such situations, a person begins to think about what kind of friend/partner he would like to meet on his way. For example, if you are a woman, then you probably have a small list in your head. Your person should be witty, smart, have a stable job, value a family and be willing to build one.
When you look at such a list, an equally interesting question arises - where to find such an ideal friend / partner? Then you either join the most relevant dating websites or, conversely, visit local interest groups to find exactly the right person who would fit all of the listed items from the list. So how do you make new friends? First of all, you need to understand what they should be. The list sets you up for the search, so even in a large crowd it is easier to find a good and faithful friend.
If you know who you are looking for, it becomes easier to find them.
This is the most important step in establishing friendships between adults. There are two mistakes people make when it comes to winning the hearts of new acquaintances:
- First, there is no need to rush. If you don’t get to know a person well, and he gets used to you, after a certain period of disappointment in him, it will be very difficult and painful to break off such a relationship.
- Secondly, there is little communication. It is like falling in love when people do not offer each other to become someone more, because both understand everything without words. But if you begin to doubt and convince yourself that your new acquaintances do not have time for you, then the unfinished spiritual bridge will quickly burn out.
Flirting helps you learn how to make friends. This is a great way to check if there is a special chemistry between you. Flirting doesn't have to mean the beginning of a romantic relationship. A fun game, teasing each other, finding common topics and connecting to a single wave - this is only a small part of what should be between people who seek to find true friends.
This tip is perfect for parents who don't know how to help their child make friends. It is important that the child is socially active from early childhood. Parents should not forbid children to come into contact with other babies, but rather encourage openness and friendliness.
In no case should you humiliate your child, lowering his self-esteem each time. Instill in him love and kindness, educate him and show that not all people in this world are ready to be as open as he is.
When your child becomes older, he can be sent to any sports section, to an art or music school, to language courses. Where there are always a large number of children, it will be easier for your child to find friends. As a rule, they will be united by common interests, which means that any acquaintance can develop into a good friendship and long-term relationship.
This advice also applies to adults who are looking for ways to make friends. If you feel like you have become lonely and you are sorely lacking in communication, then analyze your interests. Ask yourself questions and find out what you like best, how you would like to spend your free time. If you like knitting, then sign up for specialized courses, join groups where you can consult with different people, share your work and learn something new. If you like to cook, then don't be afraid to improve your skill and invite new acquaintances to a dinner party.
If you want to learn how to make friends, then you have to leave your comfort zone and get out of the house. Of course, thanks to the era of the Internet, you can meet a thousand new faces, but even a few can hardly become real comrades for you.
A great way to make new friends is to become a volunteer. You can care for the elderly, veterans, people with disabilities, orphans, animals, the environment. Most people are ready to help on a voluntary basis, realizing that they will get nothing for it, except for pleasure and self-satisfaction.
You will find new friends of interest, you just have to offer your help in various organizations. The main advantage of volunteering is that all participants try to become part of a huge family, so they often hold marathons, concerts, promotions, picnics and meetings.
As you get older, getting along with strangers becomes more and more difficult. Here are some tips to help you make friends:
- First, don't be afraid to talk to different people. When you are on the bus, waiting in line for a therapist, helping a girl who slipped on the ice to get up, always try to be open and self-confident.
- Secondly, feel free to keep up the conversation, discuss the poor performance of utilities and the huge number of patients in the hospital. Often strangers themselves make contact, which often causes you only embarrassment.
Don't forget to look the person in the eye, don't look away. Don't panic if you start a casual conversation. Smile, take your time, take deep breaths before speaking. The interlocutor will stop communicating with you if he notices that this conversation does not cause you satisfaction.
Of course, a good friend can be felt at the level of intuition, but knowledge of human psychology is still necessary. For example, Dale Carnegie's book How to Make Friends and Influence Others tells numerous stories of people who have tried various methods to find new acquaintances. This book is an excellent tool for those who want to learn to listen and hear, not to strain during a conversation and stop being constrained, to become an excellent conversationalist and take a healthy interest in others.
Many people experience a common social problem: they don't know exactly how to make friends and arrange their social life.
There are several reasons why you might be in this situation.
- You have moved to a new city, and so far your circle of acquaintances is very narrow.
- You've been in a relationship with a girl for a long time and you've let your social life fade away.
- Your old friends naturally left your life (moved on, became busy with their family, etc.), but you did not find a replacement for them.
- A significant part of your environment died overnight, like many who graduated from an educational institution and stopped living in the city of education.
- You feel that your personality level has become much higher than the level of your current friends, and you want to "upgrade" your environment.
- In the past, it was enough for you to have one friend, but now you are determined to expand your social circle.
- You never knew how to make friends and always wanted to improve your social life.
- Significant changes have taken place in your life, for example, you have decided not to drink alcohol anymore, and you need to change the environment, because people who were once close to you are no longer suitable for you.
Step 1. Identify Potential Friends
To expand your circle of friends, you first need to identify possible candidates. There are two main ways to do this.
Identify your current contacts
This does not apply to you if you have just moved to a new area where you don't know anyone.
As a rule, you already have a certain level of social connections.
You don't have to go out and meet ten strangers. It is often easier to turn existing contacts of strangers into full-fledged friends than to involve completely new faces in your life.
Chances are, there are already a few people in your environment who you already know who can become a closer part of your new social circle.
These are people like:
- People you meet on a daily basis, such as on your way to work, shopping, etc.
- Your colleagues or fellow students with whom you have managed to establish contact.
- Friends of acquaintances with whom you have previously met.
- The initiators of friendship with you, whose proposal you once treated with indifference.
- People with whom you often cross paths, but so far you have been separated by social distance.
- Friends with whom you once lost contact, but you are able to return everything to its previous course.
- Acquaintances with whom you have not previously communicated due to a significant difference in age.
Meet new people
Strengthening your current social connections can be a long process.
But sometimes you are at a point in your life when you need to meet brand new people.
For many people, a significant barrier to expanding their social circle is the lack of direct access to potential new friends.
The most obvious sources of new contacts are:
- Visiting various communities of interest, where you are sure to meet a lot of people who already have something in common with you. It is best if the activity of the community is connected with communication. This should also include visiting various courses, trainings, lectures, reading rooms, sports clubs, dance schools, etc.
- Meet people through your school or job. By observing the same faces every day, you can gradually get to know them better without falling under social pressure.
- Cultivate relationships with your friends' friends.
Meeting new people will certainly require extra effort from you so that you can escape from everyday routine.
The most effective way to make friends is to lead a fulfilling, interesting, fulfilling life, the side effect of which is to cross your life path with a lot of new people.
When new people start to appear around you, you should start talking to them and try to get to know them better.
Not everyone you interact with will become your friend, but bringing enough people into your social circle will allow you to form friendships with some of them.
And anyway, why would you try to be friends with everyone?
Friendship formula
- The environment brings you together
It's easier to make friends among the people you meet at school, at work, or in some community of interest. It's like a context that allows a friendship to start.
That's why you can't just get to know a person by walking up to them on the street. You need a context that brings you together. - Suitable Situation
This means that you and the other person have the time, energy, and desire to invest in a new friendship.
It also means that both of you have the opportunity to develop friendships. If either of you are planning to move to another city, what's the point in trying to develop your friendship? - Successful first communication
Your first communication is very important, as it determines the level of comfort and trust, allowing you to establish that each of you can be a pleasant company for the other.
It also performs other functions such as relaxation, entertainment, and building rapport. - You must be sociable and responsive
To find friends, you should keep up the conversation and show interest in the interlocutor and in the topics discussed.
If either of you gives short answers and little interest in other people's opinions, behavior and mood, then you will not have a solid foundation for developing friendships. - Common traits with another person
One of the most important prerequisites for making friends is having common interests and similarities in opinions, hobbies, habits, or activities.
The more you find in common with another person, the easier it will be for you to establish a friendly relationship with him. - Basic trust in each other
This means that both you and the other person you have met are involved in the process of disclosing personal information to each other.
You start with very neutral personal information and then go deeper as the level of trust grows.
Step 2 Invite potential friends to do something together
Once you get to know people you're interested in talking to, invite them to meet again outside of where you met. This is the most important step to take in order to make friends.
You can meet a huge number of people, but if you don't take action to develop an acquaintance, these people will remain just temporary passengers on the train of your life.
It seems obvious, but single people often fall into this trap.
Perhaps someone constantly tells them funny stories at work, or strikes up a conversation at university, but they don't take steps to suggest meeting in a different setting and developing a conversation.
At first, it will be strange to try to take the initiative, because there is always the possibility of rejection, but they are quite easy to get used to.
Depending on the conditions of acquaintance, you can quickly start transferring new people to the status of friends, or you will have to wait for some time, for example, several weeks.
Get in the habit of sharing contacts
Sharing contacts with people is very useful.
You may meet an interesting person, but you never know when you will see him next.
Therefore, exchange phone numbers or become friends on social networks.
That way, if the opportunity or need arises to get together, you can easily contact them.
In addition, if your new acquaintances have your contact information, they, in turn, will also be able to invite you to an event.
Don't reject offers
Of course, your own plans are of great importance, but if someone offers to spend time with you, try to accept the offer.
This doesn't mean you have to agree all the time. For example, if the proposed activity is out of your comfort zone, or you have an exam on the scheduled day, then your refusal would be completely appropriate.
However, if you're just a little unsure, it's best to say yes. Why give up the opportunity to get out of the house with a group of people?
When you have more friends and different competing options, you can become more selective.
If you're a more shy or lonely person, you tend to assume that the meeting won't be all that fun and you shouldn't go.
Try to push those thoughts away and go anyway. You are often not sure how enjoyable something can be until you see it with your own eyes.
Sometimes you will have to inconvenience yourself for the sake of your social life.
You may be invited to a movie you are not interested in, or someone may call you to meet on Friday night when you are going to bed.
You will often have to make compromises, but the prospect of a rich social life is worth the minor inconvenience.
Here's another thing you should consider. Many people will stop inviting you if you keep saying no.
Your acquaintances may not have anything against you, but the next time an event is scheduled, the thought will arise: “He always refuses my invitations, so there is no point in calling him this time.”
Step 3 Maintain and develop friendships
It is not so difficult to communicate with someone once in a lifetime or to do it from time to time.
However, in order to form closer friendships, you need to keep in touch, spend time together, share emotions, and get to know each other on a deeper level.
You won't be able to find a friend in every person, but over time you will be able to build close relationships with some people.
Once you find friends, lean on them to expand your social circle.
Once you have one or two friends, consider that you have laid the foundation for expanding your social connections.
If you are not very sociable by nature, one or two good buddies may be all you need to be quite content with the society around you.
But sooner or later you will meet your friend's friends, with whom you can also establish friendly relations.
Friends will make it easier for you to meet brand new people, because together with your company you will be able to attend various events and expand your circle of acquaintances.
Step 4 Treat Your Friends Right
Be positive and don't spread negativity
While it's natural to share your problems, if you constantly complain and have a generally negative attitude towards others and life in general, then people will get tired of your whining and negativity.
Everyone has enough problems in life, and no one needs the extra tons of unpleasant experiences that you decide to bestow on others.
However, a good friend will always listen when you need it, so don't take it as "never complain to anyone".
Be full of energy and share more positive emotions.
Become an attentive listener
Make no mistake when you deliberately turn communication into your solo performance.
If your interlocutor wants to speak, be sure to listen carefully.
Do interesting things
If you are excited about life, have interesting hobbies, improve, create, explore, get new experiences, meet new people, you can become a magnet for others, and your life itself will take on a new level.
Smile
Don't smile all the time or at the wrong time. Other times, your sincere smile will make you more attractive and personable.
Keep calm
And while it's great to have a lot of energy, people who are overly dramatic and impulsive for no reason can alienate other people.
Therefore, learn to respond to most problems calmly, trying not to increase their scale to the level of a universal tragedy.
Be yourself, don't brag
Don't try to impress people all the time. If you're confident, you don't need it at all.
Do not try to appear better than you really are, especially when such behavior of yours is done for show.
Be confident and happy with yourself
Be happy with who you are and even your flaws. People don't like other people with low self-esteem.
Learn to see the positive side of yourself, your sincere heart and your perfect nature. Let this be the story you tell yourself.
Step 5 Do the above more often
If you have introduced two friends into your social circle and stopped there, it is unlikely that your social ties will continue to expand on their own.
After you constantly use new ways to meet people and attend various events, you will have a lot of friends and acquaintances.
You don't have to have an infinite number of friends. Many people are perfectly happy with only a few very close friendships.
However, if the current state of affairs does not suit you, you know how to make friends.
You must make an effort
Your personal initiative is the most important principle in building friendships.
It is a big mistake to be in a state of passive waiting and hoping for a whiff of fate. Of course, it's great if this happens, but you shouldn't count on it too much.
If you are wondering how to make friends, then the first thing you will have to do is put in enough effort to do so.
If you want to have fun on the weekend, don't think that everything will work out by itself. Contact your friends and think of doing something together, or find out what they will be doing and join them.
Finding friends is really easy.
If you are not experienced enough in making new contacts, this process may seem more complicated and lengthy than it really is.
Often all you have to do to make friends is get to know people and spend some quality time with them.
You don't have to know them for a few months before being promoted to friend status.
Of course, if you just met someone, at first your relationship will be somewhat superficial, but it won't be too long before you can safely consider yourself friends.
Don't be too picky in the beginning
If you are single, your initial goal should be to create at least some sort of social life. Undoubtedly, avoid really negative and superfluous personalities for your destiny.
But if you meet an interesting person who doesn't seem like the perfect friend at first, give them a chance. The benefits of companionship, as opposed to loneliness, must outweigh the fact of imperfection.
Also, if you are just starting to form your social circle, you are probably not fully aware of what you want to see in other people.
If you get along more or less with someone, develop a closer relationship with them, and later decide whether you should become friends.
Even if at the very beginning a new company led your mind to a dead end of bewilderment, over time everything can change.
Lonely people tend to be more negative towards others. And if you notice in yourself a similar attitude towards others, it is important for you to make an effort to consciously change your behavior.
Be persistent
Sometimes you join a company or get to know your friend's friends and hope to meet a lot of new great people.
But once in a new society, you begin to feel out of place. You may feel like you are unable to communicate with anyone, or as if you are being ignored.
Make a few more attempts, make a few more meetings, because at the first meeting there are natural social restrictions and some enslavement. Over time, the warmth of friendly relations will warm the ice of misunderstanding at the first stage of communication.
If someone refuses your offer because they are busy, don't worry. Try again another time.
Do not assume that you are being treated with disdain. The very fact of the initiative shown will work for you in the future, when your friend may need company.
When you meet new acquaintances, you must really be important in their lives and you should consider that you won't be able to become friends in the blink of an eye.
They probably already have their own social circle, and their world will not end if you do not become part of this environment.
Therefore, be neutral about their behavior and reaction to the offer to spend time together, because people can really be busy.
Just keep meeting other people and expanding your social connections.
Patience
You can often get your social life back on track pretty quickly, like if you just moved to a new city to go to university, or you joined a soccer team. In other cases, it will take longer to find friends.
It will take some time to find the right people for you. After that, it may take several months before you feel like you have a friend.
But do not forget that friendship is part of interpersonal relationships that do not always lend themselves to rules and logic, so go to your goal, but do not discount spontaneity.
In conclusion. About friendship
Benefits of having friends
- Mood improvement
Spending time with happy and positive friends improves your mood and even your appearance. - Help to achieve goals
Encouragement of your ideas from friends helps to increase your willpower and increase your chances of success. - Reducing the likelihood of stress and depression
Having an active social life strengthens your immune system and, eliminating isolation from the outside world, eliminates factors. - Support in difficult times
Friends can help you cope with a serious illness, the loss of a job or a loved one, or any other life problem, especially if you just need to share your feelings with someone. - Increase self-esteem
Feeling the need for you from your friends and adds meaning to your life.
To understand that a person is worthy of your friendship, ask yourself questions
- Do I feel better after spending time with this person?
- Do I want to share my thoughts with him?
- In his company, do I feel safe, free and uninhibited, or do I feel that I need to watch my words and actions?
- Does he support me and treat me with respect?
- Can I trust him?
To find out if a person has an interest in befriending you, ask yourself
- Does he ask you questions about you, as if he wants to know you better?
- Does he tell you about himself, besides making superficial conversations?
- Does he give you all his attention when you see him?
- Was he interested in exchanging contact information or making plans for spending time together or working together?
