Relationships do not always work out only among single people: sometimes even those who are already married or in a long-term relationship want something new, but at the same time do not want to ruin their current union.
Falling in love with a married man, a lady often dooms herself to suffering: even if she manages to achieve reciprocity and begins an affair with her lover, she constantly has to feel the presence of her rival, to feel like a “supporting actress.”
Certain mistakes can aggravate an already difficult situation: they can significantly worsen a relationship with a married man. We found out what you definitely shouldn't do if you fall in love with a married man.
Calling him at inopportune times
The most popular mistake, which for some reason ladies make with enviable consistency, is calling a man at the wrong time, even if the “married man” himself very persistently asks them not to do this. For some reason, many women quite often believe that it is excusable for them to bypass such prohibitions - the status of “beloved”, after all, allows them.
In reality, this is not so: if a man asks his mistress not to call during a certain period of time, this is not a whim, but a real requirement, failure to comply with which can lead to unpredictable consequences. The scale of the disaster, however, will depend on the character of the man himself: a hot-tempered man can get angry and cut off all ties with an unlucky lover even because of a simple SMS message, and a person with a calmer character may well forgive more serious “violations.” In any case, it’s better not to take risks: if you don’t want to go through a breakup with a man in the near future, it’s better not to call him at a deliberately inopportune time.
"Download rights"
Ladies, outraged by the very fact of having a rival, often fly into a rage and take out this contradictory feeling, if the legal wife of their lover is not at hand, on the man himself, starting to pester him with one thing or another.
“You spend little time with me,” “we don’t go anywhere together,” and similar statements often end up in the dictionary of “reluctant mistresses”: thus angry, offended women (this, by the way, can happen even with those who initially knew about status of a lover) are trying to come to terms with the current situation. Most ladies, deep down in their souls, understand that such speeches will not particularly change the situation: with them they only throw off the emotional burden, “passing the baton” to the hero-lover.
It would probably be unnecessary to clarify that a man does not like this attitude: no one likes shouting and swearing. A woman who screams heart-rendingly is more likely to make you want to leave her than to actually start paying more attention to her or seriously think about breaking up with your spouse.
Trying to please him in everything
The other extreme, to which ladies who have fallen in love with an obviously unfree man often rush, is trying to please their lover in absolutely everything in order to quickly persuade him to make the right choice between two women. Although this approach seems logical (since the “stick” method is not suitable, why not try the “carrot”?), it is better not to use it, because the effort may lead to a result opposite to what you expected.
Man is a creature that is not deprived of the ability to adapt to constantly changing conditions, and adaptation to good things occurs much faster than to bad ones. Accustomed to too good an attitude on your part, and at the same time to a comfortable life, which the legal spouse is working on, a man will most likely prefer not to change anything. In general, it is possible to understand him: who would voluntarily want to give up such a “freebie” that has fallen on their head?
As you can see, there are quite a few things you shouldn't do if you happen to fall in love with a married man: it can be unsafe, and will almost certainly have a negative impact on your relationship with this man.
However, you should not be too biased towards married men: for some ladies they are sometimes much better suited than former bachelors. We have previously talked about how to build a successful relationship with a married man: we hope our advice will help you.
Tell us what you think about this: what other things do you think should be avoided if a woman has fallen in love with a married man? Why?
Perhaps you didn't intend to fall in love with someone who was already married. But there are times when feelings and emotions overcome us. Loving and dating a married man is really not easy. I don’t want to judge you or dissuade you from a relationship right now. I want you to be prepared and informed about what to do if you love a married man. Therefore, I share my knowledge with you.
- Remember, his wife and children are more important to him;
- Be independent. Go on dates with other guys;
- Spend more time on yourself and your hobbies;
- Your relationship changes when he ;
- Don't let him take advantage of you. Make your relationship worthwhile. Ask him to provide you with financial support or other assistance;
- More
- It doesn't matter how much he loves you. If you come between him and the children, your relationship could end.
Things to consider if you think this person might be the one
- How did you know he was married?
- Are your feelings strong enough?
- How long have you been together?
- Are you discussing your common future with him?
Don't sacrifice yourself for him
Women should think and act in such a way as to remain happy and... Guys rarely put relationships first. And women tend to date a partner and focus their lives on him. Girls put everything aside to meet this man. You don't need to do that. Try to approach the situation consciously and not give in to emotions.
A person must be sincere with you
If he is married and is not going to get a divorce, then he has had many such women. It often happens that a guy dates a girl until she begins to expect more from him, then he leaves her and finds another.
Rules for extramarital affairs
Ask yourself, “What am I getting out of this?” If the answer is nothing, you must ask this person to make your relationship worthwhile. If a guy is with you to satisfy his desires and then goes home to his wife, then you become a woman who works for free. Be smart, maybe it's time to ask him to help you, even financially.
Just don’t think that waiting for money or gifts is like prostitution and that it’s all about love. Remember that you are in a relationship with a married man and... You have to be realistic and accept that your relationship is not normal. You may not think so because he really loves you. But when it comes to serious dialogue, people tend to change.
My friend's recent story
For three years, my friend dated a married man. He constantly said that he loved her, but could not leave his wife because they had two children. I often said that if he loved her, he would get a divorce instead of playing this game. But my friend always found excuses for this and said that it was difficult for him to leave his wife and children. So she turned to me with the question, what to do if you love a married man?
Then I decided to find among the men I knew those who were divorced, although they had a full-fledged family. There turned out to be quite a lot of them. But I couldn’t convince my friend. As a result, he stopped seeing her. The truth is that a man will change his life and do anything to win a woman if he truly loves her. And if it’s enough for him to meet you sometimes and then he will not make attempts to create more with you.
If he really loves you
I know your ego doesn't want to accept the fact that you might be used. But, if a guy doesn’t intend to build a long-term relationship and doesn’t care who you spend your free time with, this is proof of his disinterest in you. If a guy values a girl and he needs her, then this will manifest itself in his actions and actions. He will spend more time with you and call more often to make sure that there is no other man near you.
I always say that if a person cheats, then he has already shown his true self, and you need to seriously think about your relationship with this person.
Should you be faithful?
If a person doesn't take the initiative to take their relationship with you to the next level, then it's just plain fun. So there is no need to have high hopes and get hung up on this person. Communicate freely with other people and do not torment yourself with the question of what to do if you love a married man. After all, your relationship with this man could end at any moment.
If a man doesn't break up with his wife, you can do whatever you want. Dating on the side may be quite normal in your case, so as not to be too attached to this person. If you can't find a normal guy for a relationship, post your profile on dating sites. I am confident that you will be able to meet a person for a long and happy relationship. The main thing is not to despair. Many women find themselves in similar situations and are looking for an answer to the question of what to do if you love a married man. Everything is in your hands, be a conscious person and look at things realistically. Build
Love is unpredictable, but sometimes, unfortunately, it brings unpleasant surprises. Such a surprise may be that the man you like has been married for a long time. What to do in this difficult situation?
1. Determine accurately that a man is married. A man can wear a ring on his finger in memory of his wife who broke his heart - or he can not wear it at all, while being happily married. If you do not know the marital status of a man, do not rush to get carried away with him, but first understand whether your chosen one is married or single.
2. Understand yourself. If it has become clear that you absolutely love a married man, you should clarify your feelings, no matter how difficult this may seem. You need to not just engage in soul-searching, but try to analyze the situation with all composure. What are the future prospects? Are you ready to be on the sidelines? Fight for your happiness at the cost of someone else's family? Step aside and let your man stay with his legal wife? How high are your chances of success? Asking the right questions will help bring clarity and slightly unravel the complex situation of a love triangle.
3. Find out about the plans of the chosen one. An important role is played by how the man himself treats you. If two people have found each other, and the marriage of one of them has been cracking at the seams for a long time, perhaps the game is worth the candle. Then your decision to fight for love will be correct. But don’t expect the man to reveal all his cards to you. If your married chosen one perceives you as a small affair that gets the blood pumping, things are bad. You can take life-changing steps to strengthen your feelings every day, but love is a matter of two people. It’s simply not fair to carry such a difficult situation on your shoulders to a bright future.
4. Determine your waiting period. An affair with a married man is fraught with long and meaningless waiting. Not all men are in a hurry to divorce their wives, break up the established way of life over the years of marriage, or have a long and difficult time dividing their children. You can wait for years for weather by the sea, remaining on the sidelines, celebrating holidays alone and waiting until there is time for you. Determine for yourself how long you are willing to wait for your lover’s fateful decision. And if he is in no hurry to be with you, then you don’t have to sacrifice yourself and share him with another woman.
5. Give up illusions. If a man is not very interested in you, it may be easier to give up on your intentions. Do not grow a gestalt from scratch: you have decided that you are not on the same path with your beloved but married person, and therefore try to end this relationship as less traumatic as possible.
How to stop loving a married man
It is not so easy to erase a person from your heart and from your life. But sometimes you need to do this for your own well-being. If an affair with a married man has no prospects, the best solution is a decent exit into a new relationship. Rushing to build them right away may not work. But endlessly experiencing the loss is also not the best strategy. What to do?
1. Diversify your own leisure time as much as possible. Even if you think that you are in vain drowning out the melancholy in your heart with communication, and in the evenings you cannot find a place for yourself. Over time, it will become easier to cope with the breakup, and one day you will realize that you are ready to turn this page of life.
2. Limit communication with the object of your love. Ideally, reduce it to zero. Even if you work together, even if you have many mutual friends and if you really want to remain at least friends. You can become them later, but now it’s better to take more care of your life and yourself.
3. Switch your attention to another man. Remember that there are many other men around, and you are quite capable of finding a worthy partner who is not married to another woman. Start going on dates, try flirting or chatting on social networks. Don’t get hung up on the idea that a married man is the One and Only.
4. Don't compare yourself to his wife. This is the easiest way to get stuck in a hopeless relationship for a long time, and at the same time lower your self-esteem. There is no need to look for what you are worse at, or, conversely, to look for weaknesses and shortcomings in your rival. The best thing you can do is not to go on social networks and spend more time on yourself.
We wish you a mutual and happy relationship. that it is simply pointless to spend it waiting for happiness. Start being happy now, value yourself and don't forget to press the buttons and
Before you start a relationship with a married man, you should think about how a deceived wife will feel. Put yourself in her place, you would hardly like a situation in which your spouse betrayed you with another lady. You should never treat other people as you would not want them to treat you.
How to treat your beloved man if he is married?
If you are dating a married man and really love him, you can try to forget about his spouse for a while. Just keep building your relationship, because you never know how your romance will end. Maybe over time he will also fall in love with you and leave the family. Live for your own pleasure and enjoy every minute spent with your soulmate. Behave with dignity, show him that you are much better than his wife, that you are the woman who can make him happy. Remember that you must be patient; it will probably take you quite a long time to wait for your lover’s reciprocal feelings.
If you realize that your married lover also has strong feelings for you, fight for him. Of course, your friends and acquaintances can unanimously say that nothing good will come of this, but sometimes there are exceptions to the rules. Men often enter into early marriages, making mistakes. Perhaps you are faced with just such a situation, and only now does your representative of the stronger sex understand what true and sincere love is.
What to do if a married lover does not show reciprocal feelings?
Romances with married men do not always end in mutual love. By agreeing to such an adventure, you must initially prepare yourself for the fact that all your illusions may be in vain. Be realistic and don't make grandiose plans for your future together. If your romance lasted long enough, and the man never spoke about his love, it is unlikely that anything will change over time. Try to forget and let go of the person who does not give you reciprocity. You can never be happy with someone who doesn't want to have anything in common with you other than a sexual relationship. Look around, perhaps among your friends and acquaintances there is a worthy contender for your hand and heart.
Try to love yourself and know your worth. A self-respecting woman can achieve whatever she wants.
She is not free internally, and therefore is not ready to enter into a serious and permanent relationship. A stranger, a busy man, just right. Such a man is a guarantor of freedom and “connection with dad.”
A woman subconsciously benefits from such unpromising relationships. According to statistics, if a man does not end his relationship with his wife in the first year of the relationship, then he is not going to end it, but is going to have fun.
Such a woman is often not ready for a serious relationship and the risks it carries. She has not yet matured, so she desires abundant attention, adoration, romance, like in a fairy tale, and eternal love, unclouded by everyday life. Wishes a holiday every day.
By the way, this same lover is also apparently not quite mature. He has “mother” at home, and he goes for walks with you.
Can an adult hide, hide, lie? Play spies, business trips, meetings, or assign men's names to women? Who behaves like this? Teenagers. They enjoy it. (Smoke in the entrance so that mom doesn’t notice later). But how long will this bring pleasure to a woman? How long can she withstand such disrespect?
What to do with the humiliation that every woman in such a relationship faces? He is forced to cover his tracks, or rather erase them. I've heard different stories about not wearing perfume or lipstick before a meeting. And that a man always washes himself before leaving. You have no right to a trace in his life. You simply don't exist.
Some women prefer to “fight for their happiness.” Divorce him from his wife and marry him. Where does this need come from? Why do you think that happiness can only be earned through battle and struggle? Why do you perceive his wife as your rival, as an enemy, hate her, consider her an evil witch, at whose hands great love suffers? Most often, your wife does not even know about your existence. It’s as if you are taking revenge on her, humiliating her, towering over her. For what? Think about why you want her to suffer? Is it because you were once hurt and want to inflict the same pain on someone else? “Often grown-up daughters, deprived of the attention of their fathers, feel deceived. There is anger smoldering deep in their souls.” Norman Wright.
Just imagine - an adult, confident woman fighting for her happiness? This is out of the question.
Some women say that a little happiness in such relationships is worth the tears and unhappiness. Why do you think that you deserve only a little bit of such surrogate happiness? After all, a man’s love is not only admiring glances, compliments and unrestrained sex. This is a willingness to take responsibility for you and your future together.
Who are you competing with, why did you decide that you should become the best for this man and outrank your wife? Why are you deliberately robbing yourself of a healthy and mature relationship?
Why do you choose a supporting role, what are the benefits? Try to realize. Do you really want all this? What is your soul telling you? She knows the answers. And do not be led by naivety, weakness and romantic desires. These are bad advisers.
Sometimes in such relationships there is no love, but sponsorship. A far from young man pays for your “disposition” with money. And acts as a kind of “daddy”. The only thing is that you have to pay with yourself. And what to do with the feeling of emptiness and the feeling that you have been taken advantage of?
Why are you ready to give all of yourself, your love, time, your body, your life, finally, where does it come from? Why such a low price? After all, no amount of gifts or good times can pay for what you give. “The balance between “giving” and “taking” is the basic condition for a relationship to work.” Bert Hellinger.
A man takes too much in such a relationship. The main thing is that he takes your vital energy, thanks to which he continues to build his life, his family, his business. And he pays off with gifts. This is the best case scenario. More often than not, he considers meetings with him to be gifts.
Why did you believe in the fairy tale about his wife being bad and not appreciating him? Why did you decide to save him from his evil, misunderstanding wife, to understand, appreciate and love? Why do you want to be good? Forget about all your needs, as long as he feels good.
Do you believe that he is not leaving because of the children? Remember: people do everything in this life for themselves first and foremost, and he doesn’t leave because of himself, and not because of the children.
And how can you live constantly with the question: When will he leave his wife and come to me? You know, it's like the story of people courting old people to get their properties. Essentially, they are waiting for them to die. Imagine carrying these kinds of thoughts in your head. An adult has the strength not to wait for someone else’s, but to take, earn, and get his own.
What to do with the negative emotions that are deposited in your soul and heart? Pain, resentment, irritation, anger, envy, anticipation, jealousy of the wife and children. Why do you need so much suffering and black feelings, humiliation and the feeling of being second-rate and inferior? After all, this causes very serious trauma to your femininity, corrodes your soul and your self-esteem.
What to do with your own cleanliness and cleanliness? Or do you believe that he is not having sex with her? Can you really treat your own body like that?
Or are you afraid to be alone– Isn’t it this fear that pushes you into such a connection? Now look at your relationship, and honestly answer yourself the question: Aren’t you alone? The fear of loneliness is a childhood fear.
Do you know why they say that marriages built on a wife’s tears do not lead to anything good? Not because God is punishing or anyone else. The woman punishes herself. When we do something bad, we, of course, can convince ourselves that there is no family there anymore and so on, but it is not possible to convince our soul. A feeling of guilt appears. And guilt always requires punishment.
When you date a married man, you refuse to grow up. Both painful experiences and emotional suffering are evidence that you are going in the wrong direction. After all, love and relationships are, first of all, happiness for a woman.
Perhaps you experienced your father leaving the family or his death, or your parents' divorce. And you are afraid to experience these emotions again. Fear forces you to choose this type of frivolous relationship as a safety net, but look what you experience - all the same painful emotions.
Perhaps your relationship with your father did not work out, perhaps he was absent, he was harsh, you did not receive his warmth and affection. Deep down, you have decided that you are not that good, and you believe that you do not deserve happiness, so you think that you are not worthy of healthy relationships and a fulfilling life.
“When our childhood memories are particularly painful, we often experience a subconscious urge to recreate similar situations, but this time to master them.” Robin Norwood.
But is it possible to change the past? Is it possible to master it? No, an adult woman has enough strength and determination to leave her past and move forward, taking responsibility for her actions and decisions. And stop being circumstances and men.
The past is no more, it has no power over you. You can be free from it and start living your life.
Any movement forward is possible when you give up claims, grievances and the desire to replay your past, and truly thank you for everything you received from your parents and your father. This is the only way you can become free for a close relationship with an adult man.
“If we accept our parents as they are, we accept our life.”. Bert Hellinger.
Then you will no longer want to waste your life waiting for happiness, and you will understand that an unfree partner is not your path. And you won't be afraid to be alone. After all, you need time to think about what an adult woman wants to get from an adult relationship. You need time to remember your self-respect and believe that you are worthy of being the only one. After all, this is a very natural desire of any woman!
But, if it turned out that the man left the family and connected his life with you. Here's what you should always remember:
“When love is fulfilled, a bond is created that cannot be broken. Therefore, the second connection can only arise if the first connection is recognized.”
What does it mean to admit? This means agreeing that you got your husband because the first wife gave way to you. And you are the second wife. There should be no hatred or anger towards the previous spouse. Only gratitude and recognition.
“The awareness that you are in debt to your previous partners and will always be a step below can become the basis for a successful relationship.” Bert Hellinger.
You can perform the following ritual: in the evening, light a candle in honor of your husband’s first wife. Inwardly look at her with respect and love. And then bow deeply before her and say: “I pay tribute to you.”
This is how we had a difficult, but, I hope, useful conversation.
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Tatyana Dzutseva
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