First their classmates cling to them, then their colleagues. What to do if you are called names? There is no need to panic or ignore the offender. You need to be able to stand up for yourself. How to do it? Read all the details below.
Understand the reason
If a person clings to you or begins to insult you, you need to put yourself in the position of this individual. Before deciding what to do if you are called names, try to find out why the bully is doing it. The most common reasons:
- It hurts to realize that he is wrong, and when he runs out of arguments, he breaks into a scream. In a fit of outburst of emotions, you can say various nasty things.
- Inflated ego. A person with high self-esteem loves to mock others. Such individuals do not offend those who can answer them. They choose weak individuals who can be put under pressure by authority or intimidated by force.
- The desire to vent anger. All people need emotional release. Some people splash out their emotions by playing sports, some are engaged in creativity, and some insult others. What to do if you are called stupid? Think about whether the person really thinks so, or whether he had a hard day and decided to choose you as an object for emotional release.
There's no point in being offended by the obvious
Do you often get called names? Think about what offensive words are heard with enviable frequency. Perhaps they tell you that you are short, tall, or have glasses. Is this really true? What should you do if you are called names like this? Don't be offended by the truth. Yes, you may be taller than others, but this is your advantage over them, not a disadvantage. If you are short, consider this feature of your appearance as your unique feature. Do you wear glasses? There's nothing wrong with that. A person should not be upset by the truth. Make peace with your appearance and try to love it. There is nothing you can do about your physical disabilities. You need to learn to accept them. Each person is unique, and red hair, freckles, large lips or nose should not interfere with your life. Take them for granted - and then the insults will stop hurting you.
Control your emotions
Often a person is provoked by his peers for the reason that he does not know how to respond to criticism or insults. What to do if you are called names? You need to respond, but the reaction should not be explosive. Some people like to be called names for the reason that they shrink from any sidelong glance and begin to tremble or run away from the room. And some individuals try to cope with insults in a different way. They begin to scream wildly and insult the offender in response. People around you may be amused by your response to name-calling, and they will similarly have fun at your expense. Don't react to insults. Know how to control yourself. Do not let others replace your worries or some kind of mental changes during a conversation in a raised voice. If you stop reacting violently to name-calling, the offender will be bored and will soon leave you behind.
Use a sense of humor
What can defuse the situation and lift everyone's spirits? That's right, humor. You must develop the ability to quickly find the right words, preferably sarcastic ones. An answer in this spirit will amuse not only you and your offender, but also everyone who watched the altercation. In the end, the winner is always the one who knows how to better stand up for himself, and not the one who utters hurtful words. If you understand that the person insulted you not by accident, but intentionally, humor will be doubly appropriate. You can knock down the arrogance of your interlocutor.
Sample answers
How to respond to an insult funny and with sarcasm? Use template answers. For example: “Say, I always yawn when I’m interested.” The phrase is quite original. Such an expression must be accompanied by a feigned yawn. Your composure and ability to save face will impress the offender, and he will no longer pester you.
Another possible answer: “Are you interfering in my life because yours didn’t work out?” Such responses to offensive words completely whitewash you. There is no joke here. But you still need to understand who should say such a phrase and who should not.
And another option for responding to an insult could be: “Thank you for your interest in me.” By speaking in this way, you do not provoke further conversation in any way, so you can safely walk away from the offender with your head held high.
Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself
Teenagers take insults very hard. What to do if you are called names at school? A teenager must understand that it is not always his fault that he has become an object of ridicule. Therefore, one of the good ways is to laugh at yourself. This works well if they call you names not on a regular basis, but from time to time when you find yourself in the same awkward situation. For example, you may say a word incorrectly or eat a chocolate bar in such a way that you don’t look very clean after eating. Know how to laugh at your mistakes with everyone else. But still, you shouldn’t step on the same rake all the time. Having encountered unpleasant name-calling twice, try to correct your mistake so as not to constantly listen to offensive words.
Don't make yourself a victim
Who is it customary to laugh at? Over individuals who cannot control their emotions, and over people suffering from low self-esteem. What to do if a boy calls you names? Don't let others mock and insult you. Strong personalities that no one will touch. So get rid of the false shyness that your mother or grandmother imposed on you. Modesty and courtesy need to be dosed. In modern life, these qualities only make life more difficult, rather than making it better.
If you do not have physical strength, try to crush the offender with your intellect. In this case, you need to read more so that you not only seem smart, but actually be one.
Learn to accept yourself for who you are. You should not take unsubstantiated criticism and gross insults to heart.
Don't be afraid to ask a question
What to do if your friends call you names? Try to press for pity. Of course, this is the last method that you should resort to, but it can still be effective in relation to people who love and respect you. When you ask him why he did it? A person’s conscience must wake up, and he will apologize for his outburst. Even if a sense of pride did not allow your friend to apologize immediately, he will simply understand that it is difficult for you to tolerate jokes directed at you, and will change the style of communication with you. On the other hand, it would be useful to think about whether such friends are needed...
What to do if your parents call you names? Try the same trick. Ask your mom if she really means what she says. Not many people know how to control their emotions and for this reason they can offend a loved one in the heat of anger. By cooling the parents' ardor, the child has a greater chance of being heard than if he insulted adults in response.
What not to do
Man is a complex individual. Not every person is able to give reasons for his particular action. Something is done unconsciously and subconsciously. But the result of such actions will not always be positive. Sometimes a person may be dissatisfied with his behavior. Advice on how to respond to insults was given above, and now let’s look at what not to do.
- Use force. Fighting never led to anything good. A cultured person should be able to defend himself with words, not fists. It's stupid to waste your energy beating up your classmates or friends. And if this method of behavior in children can still be called acceptable, then for an adult such behavior is an indicator of low development and inadequacy.
- Seek support from elders. Children and adolescents must learn to find a way out of difficult life situations on their own. There is no point in hiding behind your mother's skirt. Classmates and friends will not be able to respect someone who does not try to solve the problem on his own, but runs to complain to an adult about his unfair treatment.
- Cry. You shouldn't publicly demonstrate your weakness. Tears are a manifestation of emotional release, but still learn to hold them back until you are alone. If you cry every time you are insulted, then offensive words will be constantly thrown at you.
- Scream. You can't respond to a scream with a scream. Know how to control your emotions and maintain composure. Do not show rage to the offender, because most often this is exactly what the person wants to achieve. Your calmness can infuriate the offender, and in the end he will lose his composure, not you. Remember, victory always goes to the one who managed to save face in battle.
Are you often insulted, but you don’t know how to respond to the offender? A psychologist gives advice.
Hmm...there are plenty of individuals who love to insult everyone around them, even strangers.
We encounter such boors at work, on public transport, in markets and shops, on the Internet, they even broadcast to us from the TV screen.
A normal person is powerless against a boor, since upbringing and adequacy do not allow him to repay him in the same coin.
So what to do: is it really necessary to silently swallow unfair attacks?
Or are there still recipes? how to respond to an insult, without wasting your own nerve cells and without stooping to the level of an idiot who insults you?
Reply to an insult: or score and forget?
Boors deliberately behave so provocatively.
You've probably noticed that no one provokes rudeness on their part at all, or the reason is so insignificant that a normal person wouldn't even pay attention to it. However, boors simply cannot pass by the opportunity to pour a bucket of dirt on someone.
Your job is to know how to respond to an insult so that he instantly loses the desire to continue this offensive dialogue.
The most common advice that can be found in articles on similar topics is: “Ignore!”
Hmmm...we've been hearing it since childhood...
Remember, your mother said in response to your complaints about some bully: “Just don’t pay attention to him.
He'll soon get tired of teasing and leave you alone."
But such advice is ineffective, because, as practice shows, unpunished evil grows and multiplies.
Little bullies grow into big boors, confident in their permissiveness.
In no case should you leave unpunished the insults that cashiers, salespeople, waiters, and administrators hurl at you during their working hours.
Complaining to your superiors about a boor is an adequate response to such unprofessional behavior.
In what cases should you not respond to insults?
I am of the opinion that, to the best of our ability, we still need to put boors in their place, since most of them feel too vulgar about themselves.
However, this can only be done if you know how to respond correctly to an insult.
Shouts of “You’re a fool!” and a stream of obscenities is what the provocateur expected from you. He has driven you crazy and is now feeding on your energy. If this is the only reaction you are capable of in response to an insult, then it is better to ignore the boor and proudly leave.
You should also not contact a person who insults you if:
He is overly aggressive, tries to provoke you into a fight and is significantly superior to you in size and physical strength.
In this case, it is better to seek help or call the police if you know that such a person could harm someone.
If your acquaintance with a boor is short-term and you know that you will never see him again.
When it comes to political topics, many of those to whom you are trying to prove that you are right are money.
They don't care who they insult.
Their goal is to wait for an answer from you for which they will be paid.
Well, I don’t think it’s worth reminding that the World Wide Web is a haven for many mentally ill people.
So is it worth spending your time and nerves on them?
Elegant ways to respond to insults
We've dealt with ignoring.Now let's look at some fairly effective methods of responding to rudeness.
If you know how to respond to an insult That's right, you will always be fully armed.
Agreement.
Yes, yes, you heard right.
If insults are thrown at you regarding your appearance or mental abilities, half-agree with this, and then jokingly thank the boor for taking the time to find your kind.
This method is especially effective when there are spectators.
They will laugh at the idiot insulting you and make him run away.
Once in the subway, I witnessed masterful use of such weapons.
Oil painting "Beautiful girl and something (like a man)."
He: “You stupid blonde!” She: “Yes, I’m really blonde. You are very observant - that’s encouraging.”
The whole carriage laughed so hard that the boor, red with shame, jumped out at the nearest stop.
This answer requires you to have a sense of humor and the ability to react quickly in extreme situations.
As a last resort, stock up on some killer phrases to use according to the situation.
For example: “I’m not at all surprised by what you’re saying. You can only surprise me if you say something smart” or “I never cease to be amazed at God’s sense of humor, who creates such interesting specimens,” etc.
Intelligence.
Most of the insulters are individuals with one gyrus, which was formed for them in childhood by a Panama hat, therefore, when they hear smart words, they fall into a stupor.
Try to respond to an insult with the following phrase: “I don’t know, dear, what you eat, but your menu is clearly not particularly balanced and contains harmful carcinogens that destroy your brain cells.”
Or this: “The intellectual abilities of primates have not yet been fully studied. Would you be so kind as to leave your contact information, I will pass it on to a researcher I know. Would you like to participate in a scientific project?
Buy an elephant.
Remember the childhood joke when they drove you crazy with the endless repetition of the phrase: “Buy an elephant.”
Answer every rude phrase with the same question.
Believe me, at the end of such an unusual dialogue, it will be the boor who howls with rage, not you.
The effect of surprise.
Try to surprise the insulter.
For example, laugh out loud as if he said the funniest joke, and not an insult.
A good option is to sneeze and then say something like: “Sorry, I’m just allergic... to rudeness.”
A bully will definitely be surprised if you smile sweetly and say in a calm tone the phrase: “You are very kind. I’m sure your parents are proud of your upbringing.”
In general - improvise.
Here's a few more words about insults on the Internet.
Psychologist Alena Prikhidko gives advice.
Click Play :)
And of course, responding to an insult, you must remain calm. This boor should be nervous and angry, but there is no need for you to waste your nerve cells on lower forms of life.
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It happens that we can be offended and treated rudely even in the most seemingly inappropriate place, for example, in a store, where, in theory, “the customer is always right,” or in a clinic, in a bank, at work, in an educational institution, or just at home at home.
I saw a scene where a security guard ran into a young mother pushing a stroller with a baby and started yelling that it was forbidden to bring strollers into the store, although this was illegal.
Some people have such an atmosphere at work that it is unclear how they survive there. The boss can easily be rude or call his subordinate names, but the employees do not dare to object to him for fear of being thrown out of their positions.
If you were offended, spoken rudely or called names, you should not become despondent and throw your fists at the offender.
What to do if you were called names, rude, or rude:
- You can simply remain silent, not react, grinning arrogantly. This method often has a discouraging effect on offenders, because their words did not have the desired effect.
- Answer briefly: “You are rude and poorly mannered.” In some cases, you will put the offender into a stupor, put him in his place, and while he stands with his eyes bulging, you can leave the scene of the collision with your head held high.
- Read a lecture to the rude person on the topic of polite behavior in society, or say: “Bunny, God bless you!” with a sweet smile.
- If possible, be calm when you hear cacophonous remarks addressed to you, don’t shout or get in the way with your fists, this only shows how much the rude person’s words hurt you. It’s better to answer something like this with a smile: “Where does so much interest in my person come from?” “You don’t have your own personal life, have you decided to take part in someone else’s?”
- Say this: “If your self-esteem is so low that you can only humiliate others by praising yourself, then I advise you to seek help and support from a psychologist, because people like you have no real friends.”
- Answer to a boorish woman: “You are as smart and kind as you are beautiful.”
- Of course, you can respond in kind and be rude in response, descending to the level of a rude offender, but by shouting your tirade back, you can relieve some of the overwhelming tension. However, this is the worst option.
Here are some other responses you can use when confronting your bully:
- Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you;
- I appreciated the depth of your thoughts, thank you!
- Thank you for your attention to my personality and for taking the time to criticize it;
- For God's sake, I don't feel sorry. I love being hated;
- Is that all you wanted to say?
- I had a better opinion of you;
- Rudeness does not suit you at all;
- Do you want a polite answer or the truth?
- Why are you trying to look worse than you really are?
Depending on the situation, you can put into practice all of the above methods of dealing with boors and rude people; in particularly unpleasant situations, try making a witty joke or remark.
It’s sad, but it also happens that none of the above helps, especially for teenagers. Offenders may consider ignoring and silence as cowardice and weakness, and with even greater bitterness they continue to make fun of and mock the person. In this case, there is only one way through which you can earn the respect of your peers - to hit back at the offender. This will show that you are not afraid and are not going to continue to endure hurtful ridicule, name-calling and rudeness.
Unfortunately, we are not always able to orient ourselves in time and react correctly in situations where someone insults us. Subsequently, we become upset not only because of the very fact of other people’s insults, but also because we failed to give a proper rebuff. In many cases, you can avoid these upsets. Many people make the mistake of clearly showing the other person that their words have offended them in some way. Of course, when we are insulted, it is not easy to control ourselves and not show that we are offended and “touched to the quick.” And yet, if you fail to cope with this task, then your opponent will understand that he managed to achieve his goal and truly insult you. No matter how difficult it is for you, try to make it clear to the person that his words do not bother you at all. The best way to help you with this is humor, which often helps you react quickly in unforeseen situations. If you stock up on a few witty phrases, then, for sure, they will later be able to help you out at the right time. Examples of such remarks:
- Your words do not surprise me at all. I would be surprised if you said something really smart. And nature really has a great sense of humor if it creates specimens like you!
How to respond to insults and aggression
How to behave when you are insulted
Situations may be different, so it is advisable to adjust your behavior in accordance with them.- For example, if you yourself have offended a person, and you understand that all his insults are just hurt pride and an attempt to take revenge for the insult, then it is better to remain silent. Probably, the interlocutor is in agony, and with additional remarks you will aggravate the situation even more. If you began to be offended undeservedly or completely “out of the blue,” then probably the opponent wants to “blow off steam,” and it is quite possible that you just fell under the hot hand. Of course, in this situation you should not be a “punching bag” - put the offender in his place! If you are insulted by a person who is clearly in an inadequate state, then it is better not to have anything to do with him and not to get involved in a dialogue. We are talking about a person who is hysterical or under the influence of alcohol or drugs. You will not be able to prove anything to such an interlocutor, and it is even quite likely that with your answers (any!) you will provoke him to a new stream of aggression or even the use of physical force. It is better to avoid communicating with such people, even if you are superior to them in physical parameters - you should not get involved in a skirmish that is unlikely to end in anything good.
- Your imagination and intelligence are so primitive that these insults don’t offend me at all. It’s amazing how easily you go about offending someone. Fate will do the same to you, you'll see.
How to adequately respond to rudeness and rudeness
You may well get out of this situation gracefully if you calmly agree with the boor. This technique has a particularly disarming effect on some people. So, if someone is trying to insult your mental abilities or “take advantage” of your appearance, then half agree with these words, and then thank your opponent for taking the time to find your shortcomings. This method is very effective when spectators are present during its implementation. You will not insult the boor in return, but at the same time you will put him in an awkward position.
- There is no desire to respond to these insults. However, the day will come when you will understand that all the misfortunes have been acquired by you, starting from this day. It has already turned out that we are paying for everything in this life. Remember this day so that you know why God is punishing you. From now on, complete bad luck awaits you. I'm not scaring you, I just know about it.
How to intelligently send a person away without swearing
If you don’t want to swear in response to someone else’s unpleasant statements, but still think that you should fight back, then it’s quite possible to answer intelligently, but still put the person in his place.- They say that behind insults a person usually hides his complexes and inadequacy. Think about it. It feels like insult is the only way you can assert yourself.
How to shut someone up with one beautiful phrase
Sometimes there is no desire to engage in a verbal altercation, and you want to shut the person up by uttering just one destructive remark. There are many such phrases, and they affect everyone differently. Here's an example:- They say that when a person is not particularly intelligent, the only thing he can do is stoop to insults.
When he insults his superiors
In this case, unfortunately, we do not always have the opportunity to respond the way we want, so the smartest thing to do would be to simply walk away from the conflict. If we are talking not about the boss, but about a colleague, then there is also no need to escalate the situation - try to answer neutrally. This technique can also be useful at a time when your boss is insulting you: while the boss says unpleasant things to you, mentally imagine a small capricious child in his place. In your imagination, calm this baby down, pat him on the head, feed him milk porridge. This will make it much easier for you to listen to insults, and perhaps even your mood will not worsen. In addition, the boss will probably be able to appreciate your resilience.“Buy an elephant” method
Many people remember a joke from childhood, when an opponent was asked to “buy an elephant,” thereby infuriating him and almost driving him into rage. You can do the same. To each barb, answer the same thing in a bored tone: “So?”, “And then that?”, “Really?” and in the same spirit. Undoubtedly, by the end of this monotonous conversation, the boor will experience a real decline in moral strength.Improvisation
In a conversation with an insulter, try to use the effect of surprise, surprise and disarm him with this. For example, you may laugh out loud in response to unpleasant words, as if you had heard the funniest joke. You can also sneeze, noting: “Sorry, I’m just allergic to people like you.” In addition, you can smile good-naturedly and say: “Surely your parents are ashamed of your upbringing.” Try improvising!
- Never stoop to insults without properly understanding the situation. This doesn’t make you look good at all. I hope that the day will come when you will be ashamed of everything that was said. It’s strange that I had a much better opinion of you. I hope that you are just trying to look worse than you really are.
Correct response to insults
- It happens that we want to respond, but you know in advance that any of your words simply will not have an effect on the offender. Of course, in this situation it is better not to waste words and energy, but simply to abruptly end the dialogue. It often happens that the person “attacking” you actually has nothing against you personally - he is just in a bad mood. In this case, it is enough to ask him the question: “Bad day?” An adequate person will not argue with this, and it is even possible that he will apologize. It is often better not to lead to retaliatory insults. Try to avoid this situation by asking your interlocutor what he told you. Pretend you didn't hear his words. It is quite possible that the person has already regretted what he said. If the “attack” continues, then, apparently, in front of you is a rare boor. During some dialogues, we are simply strangled by the desire to attack our interlocutor. And yet, be that as it may, it is very important not to get to this point - you will almost certainly regret it. Try to keep your mind calm. It will be ideal if you learn to retort with witty remarks and not show that the provocations offend you in any way. It is impossible not to mention one of the most common mistakes made by people who were forced to face insults. It's about making excuses. Often, having heard offensive words, we try to prove to our opponent that he is being unfair to us. With such tactics, you will undoubtedly find yourself in a position of humiliation.
Insulted by a stranger
If a person is drunk or clearly out of his mind, then you should still ignore his words - just try not to notice him. If we are talking about a stranger who did not like something about your behavior, then try to understand the situation, and then act “according to the circumstances.”Insulted by a loved one
Here it is important to immediately understand why the conflict situation occurred and what provoked it. It is better to prevent the spread of a further quarrel, and frankly tell your loved one that he offended you, and you are hurt by his words. Try not to hush up the conflict, but to talk openly, clarifying the matter. It happens that at moments when they try to offend us with insults, we frantically begin to scroll through possible responses in our thoughts. It becomes quite a shame if these efforts are in vain and a witty answer comes to our minds after the dialogue is over. Everyone knows the expression that “after a fight you don’t wave your fists,” so it is advisable to respond to your interlocutor’s caustic remarks in a timely manner. So, let's look at some similar phrases that can help us in a difficult conversation:- I hate to interrupt you, but I have more important things to do. Are you finished? Should I answer politely or tell the truth?
- I don’t know what your usual diet is, but this menu is clearly not particularly balanced, and contains harmful carcinogens - they are the ones who set out to destroy your brain cells! Scientists have not yet fully studied the intellectual abilities of primates. Maybe you could leave your contacts, my friend, a researcher, will really need them. By the way, would you like to take part in a scientific experiment?
- A weak person who is actually a coward, and caustic words are his only defense. An energy vampire who tries to bring out the negative emotions of his interlocutor, thereby “feeding” himself. Boors without upbringing, who had to grow like “grass in a field.” Aggressors who find it difficult to live a day without taking part in some kind of scandal. Unsuccessful elements, like drug addicts and alcoholics, who find it difficult to control themselves. Just stupid people.
(counterattack), on the topic of how to respond to insult, rudeness, rudeness...beautifully and intelligently...
In modern, everyday life, unfortunately, insults, rudeness and rudeness are very common. Husbands insult wives, parents of children, bosses of subordinates (and vice versa); They are rude in stores, on the road, in public transport; Children are rude to adults, students are rude to teachers..., in the service sector...including in government structures (they are also “servants of the people” and should not be rude).
Remember for yourself: If a person insults someone, is rude, or rude, it means he has disharmony in his soul, he does not love and respect himself and is a priori unable to love and respect others - he is unhappy.
In order not to be like him, you need to respond to his insults, rudeness and rudeness intelligently and beautifully... That is. respectfully and even with love, because feedback also works - love for another can only happen with love for oneself...- this is an axiom
.
Hence the formula: Happiness = Love for yourself + Love for your neighbor + Respect for others...
How to smartly and beautifully respond to insults, rudeness and rudeness
Before we learn how to smartly and beautifully respond to insults, rudeness and rudeness, let’s look at the diagram to see how communication occurs between people. For this we will use transactional analysis, where "transaction" is a unit of communication.
Of course, you can stupidly memorize a few “smart” words or phrases so that, like a zombie person, you can “beautifully” (as it seems to you) respond to attacks from the outside, but if you really want not to feel humiliated and insulted, then it is better to understand the essence of conflicts and conflict-free communication.
So, how does communication (communication) happen in general - diagram
Every person has three “I”s in his head (three ego states: "R"- parental or stereotypical; "IN"- adult or rational; "D"- childish or emotional), and when two people communicate, essentially 6 people are communicating (one has an RVD and another has an RVD).
At one moment in time, a person can only be in one “I”, and perceive and transmit information only from it. See the communication diagram using the example of a buyer and a seller (where you can often find rudeness, rudeness, and even insults). 
The diagram shows parallel (direct), conflict-free transactions (units of communication - one asked, the other answered, while both, at the time of the question-answer, were in the same ego states).
Here, insults, rudeness and rudeness are a priori excluded. 
In this example, the buyer asks an “Adult”, rational question, subconsciously appealing to the seller’s “Adult Self.” And the latter, perhaps due to his irritability or bad mood, crosses the transaction, responding, as if “top-down”, from his “Parental Self” to the “Childish, emotional “I” of the buyer, which can provoke emotionality (affect) in the latter. , for example, first offense, and then anger.
If the buyer responds to rudeness and insult with rudeness, then there will be a conflict, because transactions will specifically intersect (see figure below).
Similar pre-conflict and conflict situations, where rudeness and rudeness reign, and sometimes insults, can be observed in the relationship between husband and wife, and in any other interpersonal relationships where transactions intersect, leading to quarrels and conflicts, and then to a breakdown in relations and sometimes to psychological disorders. 
Here the wife, to her husband’s “adult” question, answers either from the “Parental Self” (with a “bump”) or from the “Children’s Self” (with resentment, as if she was “bumped on”), thereby crossing the transaction, provoking an angry, possibly an offensive (“Parental”) response from the husband and conflict in the family.
What to do, how to respond correctly to rudeness, rudeness and insults?
As you already understand, if you respond to rudeness and rudeness with insults, then nothing good will come of it - problems have never been resolved in conflicts, neither in everyday life, nor in business, nor in politics (dialogue is always needed at the level of “Adults, rational selves").To begin with, you don’t have to delve into the essence of why they are rude and rude to you (these are their psychological problems), the main thing here is to understand why you want to respond to rudeness with rudeness and even insults, or to be offended and then take revenge (it doesn’t matter to whom - the offender himself, someone close, or a beloved dog), the main thing is to work off the negative emotion).
And to do this, you need to learn to clearly understand yourself, your inner “I”, when and in what “Ego-state” you are (RVD). For example (all about the same seller), you realized yourself in a rational (adult) self-state, because... you really wanted to know (clarify) the cost of the product before purchasing.
But instead of the same “Adult” answer, you were rude and even indirectly insulted. What to do, how to respond to rudeness?
After all, for a second you switched to the “Children’s, emotional self” and for a moment you felt, say, resentment or injustice... (this is what you need to realize). And then your psychological defense automatically worked, and you switched again, but this time to the “Parental Self”, you already felt “righteous anger” and you wanted to be rude in response - this is a mistake.
If you can realize your switches in ego states, then you can always respond to any rudeness, rudeness or insult intelligently and beautifully, using the so-called psychological sambo (judo, aikido - whichever you prefer).
Your task, having realized yourself in the “childish, emotional self” at the moment of a psychological attack (rudeness, rudeness, insults addressed to you), is not to switch, at least immediately, to the “Parental self”, but to end the situation in the emotional ego state , since the message, the offensive transaction (see figure above) is directed precisely downward, to your “childish self”, where, in fact, you felt resentment, guilt or injustice.
It is from this childish ego state that you need to end the situation - if you are offended, briefly pretend that you were offended; if accused, temporarily feel guilty (show it), etc.
And without allowing the opponent to say another word, continue the conversation from any, preferably an “adult”, ego state.
Remember, when you are in the “rational self” (there are no emotions), your intellect works at full capacity, which means you can easily find any necessary, smart and beautiful words to correctly respond to insult, rudeness and rudeness in any situation.
Your “adult”, rational and conscious goal (in the example with the seller) is to buy a product, and not to make a scandal with it, ruining your mood for the whole day. Therefore, having realized the feeling of injustice in the “childish self”, during rudeness and rudeness, and realizing that in fact you are being accused of the inability to see prices (ignorance of them) - a mistake in the seller’s thinking - you need to respond from that ego state ( childish), into which the vector of accusation is directed: “What’s wrong, you can’t see the price tag” - like, “Yes, sorry, I didn’t take my glasses.” (why do you need to prove to some upset person that you are not oblique... you know that yourself...).
You can act in a similar way in any pre-conflict situations, responding beautifully and intelligently to rudeness, rudeness and any insults. In this way, you will maintain your good mood, get things done, maintain and improve relationships, and not accumulate negativity in your head, which you then need to work out on your internal organs (if you are an introvert) or on other people (if you are an extrovert)…
