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Quarrels are a nasty thing. Especially because they have a habit of growing and multiplying at incredible speeds. It seems they had a fight over untidy socks or unwashed dishes, but in the process they said so many interesting things to each other that they practically closed their path to reconciliation. How often do partners get offended at each other and don’t talk for a long time, not because of the subject of the quarrel itself, but because of what was said during the process. But it all started because of some little thing. Let's think how to avoid these unpleasant little things and prevent them from growing and multiplying.

Why do we constantly quarrel?

What do constant quarrels mean? Are they talking about serious problems in the relationship? Not always, it calms psychologist Maria Pugacheva. The reason may be in the characters and temperaments of the partners. If they are both accustomed to setting aside their rights, expressing themselves and controlling any matter, minor clashes cannot be avoided.

“However, oddly enough, such an alliance can be very strong, because each of them actually values ​​the strength, brightness and pressure of both themselves and their partner, and is not particularly worried about such a situation. As a rule, in In such quarrels, bright negative emotions are thrown off one by one, and then the same bright positive emotions are experienced together, which immediately cover up all the bad things.”, explained the psychologist.

But there are other situations when behind a petty quarrel lies deep discontent. For example, a wife nags her husband for an unclosed tube of toothpaste, but in fact she doesn’t like that he doesn’t help at all around the house. Or she makes a scandal because her husband returned late from work, although in reality she worries that he pays little attention to her. In such cases, minor quarrels are symptoms of more serious problems that need to be dealt with so that the relationship does not deteriorate completely.

There is also a very sad situation - when love has ended in a couple, and people begin to openly annoy each other.

Look to the root

Consider whether there is a deeper reason for your constant quarrels. Not a small thing, but a major dissatisfaction that does not allow you to sleep peacefully and behave in a friendly manner. Analyze your feelings and ask your partner to do the same, and then calmly discuss the accumulated problems.

E it will most likely not be easy. I still remember with horror the most difficult conversations that began with the words of my young man: “Now tell me what fundamentally doesn’t suit you about me”. But, since that young man later became my husband, we can assume that they were still quite effective. When all the problems are clear and discussed, it will become clear how to solve them, what can be changed, and what will have to be accepted.

“Perhaps it will be possible to reach an agreement through some compromises: “I close my eyes to this and this in your behavior, and you don’t find fault with me on this and that issue.” Peace in the family can be restored if the spouses come to the conclusion that they are mutual more expensive than anger over shortcomings. But it may also happen that the only right decision is separation. At least this way everyone will have a chance to find a truly happy and harmonious relationship, and not suffer for the rest of their lives.”– says Maria Pugacheva.

How to avoid?

But even if trivial quarrels do not have a serious underlying cause, they can really ruin the mood. Let's think about how to avoid them. Maria Pugacheva assures that Simply holding back your emotions is not the best solution. “This will only worsen the situation and make the relationship more and more tense,”– says the psychologist.

But you shouldn’t “pour” them on your partner either. Maria Pugacheva advises do not show emotions, but talk about them. “If you calmly and kindly explain to your “other half” what you don’t like about him and describe your emotions, this will be a powerful incentive for him to change for the better. At the same time you must definitely list a couple of those traits for which you love and respect him. And if you show emotions - get offended and raise your tone, you will only achieve exactly the same defensive response, and the matter will not move forward."– explained the psychologist.

I will add a number of techniques that allow you to end a trifling quarrel before it begins. All tips have been tested on yourself.

  • Before you speak (or rather, shout), slowly count to ten. It's a banality, of course, but it works. After all, the first reaction is usually the most emotional and rarely the most thoughtful.
  • Find out when you and your loved one have “bad” and “good” hours, do not start any discussions during the “bad” ones. At different times of the day we can be more or less vulnerable. It depends on various factors. Some are better left alone in the morning, others in the evening, some react sharply to everything when they are hungry, and almost everyone snaps if they are very busy. For example, the hardest time for me is morning. If I am hurt at this moment, the reaction can be unpredictable: I can cry, scream, or even throw something. My husband realized this a long time ago and only makes fun of me, calling me "morning monster" But it is not suitable for serious problems.
  • Together with your partner, come up with some kind of signal to end the quarrel. For example, a funny word or phrase - bombina kurgudu, quakozyabra or anti-sausage. If during a quarrel someone utters a conditional word, this means: “That’s it, time out, I’m starting to get excited, we’ll discuss the problem later.”
  • Turn the conversation into a joke. Humor generally greatly extinguishes anger. Sometimes I try to continue to be angry in such situations, but a treacherous smile creeps onto my face against my will. At the same time, I remember how much I love my husband for his sense of humor.
  • Speak in a whisper. The main problem with quarrels is that they are a vicious circle. You raise your voice, your husband raises it, you raise it even more... and so on. As a result, both scream and no one hears each other. Try to behave exactly the opposite - speak more quietly. The partner will have to listen, and he will unconsciously also switch to a whisper. But it’s quite difficult to swear seriously in such a tone.

Have you encountered such a problem in a relationship? How do you prevent quarrels?

Psychology 0

Hello everyone, dear blog guests! Many women are interested in the question of how to stop arguing with their husband. I will not write banal 100 recommendations that you should do something unrealistic. Moreover, this amount of information will not benefit you.

It is better to discuss important points that you should pay attention to in order to achieve the desired result. These little things are simple, but so important and difficult to implement. However, the fair sex loves difficulties and solves them with pleasure.

Determine the root cause of the conflict

You can confidently say that circumstances, parents, horoscopes, other people, jealousy, etc. are to blame. Some will say that the spouse is definitely to blame, and some people blame themselves for everything. Everyone has their own individual life and everyone knows why scandals arise with their partner.

When we talk about the root cause, we make someone or something to blame for the current situation. If anyone is to blame, but not you, then you also relieve yourself of responsibility for eliminating the issue. This is the victim's position and it doesn't work.

Participants in the quarrel

Logically, the number of participants is equal to the number of those conflicting with each other. There are two participants in a pair. Hence the conclusion that if we had not started the scandal, or simply walked away from it, then it would not have happened. Therefore, if you take part in a quarrel, it means that you have put fifty percent of your effort into it.

Basic arithmetic helps us see that we ourselves are the masters of our lives. This is a very wonderful conclusion and you shouldn’t blame yourself. Accordingly, if we ourselves stop provoking our loved one into conflicts, then most likely there will be no conflicts.

At first glance, everything is very simple, but how to apply all this knowledge in everyday life? This matter requires constant practice. Remember how you learned to write letters as a child. When we become aware of our participation, we come to understand that we can have an impact.

This understanding is one of the most important elements on the path to your happiness. Moreover, tactics can be applied in any relationship to significantly improve them.

When you notice that negativity will soon spill out, ask yourself mentally: “Is what I’m doing now bringing any benefit?” Then you will understand that you always have a choice: support a quarrel or get away from the conflict by doing something nice for a loved one. This strategy will bring much more benefits than walking in circles.

How not to quarrel with your husband over everyday trifles?

Unpaid bills on time, dirty dishes, unmade bed. All this gradually accumulates and gathers into a big quarrel. Of course, such little things can piss off any person. In this case, ask yourself the question: “What exactly makes me angry?” The answers are usually unpredictable.

If after an hour you still haven’t quarreled, it means you have great patience. Next, tell us what you heard. In such dialogues, the true cause of discontent usually comes to light.

Valeria Protasova


Reading time: 7 minutes

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Any woman is capable of “sculpting” her husband into whatever she wants, as if from melting plasticine. And nature has provided the most effective tools for this - affection, tenderness and love. True, not everyone has the strength or desire to use these tools. As a result, it is impossible to avoid a quarrel with her husband.

Quarrels happen in any family, but it is not them that lead to the collapse of the family boat, but the behavior in their process. How to quarrel with your spouse correctly and what absolutely should not be done?

How to quarrel with your husband correctly: taboos in quarrels that should not be broken

How to avoid mistakes that could cost you many years of marriage? To begin with, remember what is taboo in quarrels .

Rules that absolutely cannot be broken

  • You can't criticize your other half. Men's pride is more vulnerable than women's. If you feel like it’s about to slip out of your mouth - “You’re always ruining everything!”, “Where are your hands coming from!”, “You can’t even fix the faucet!”, “Dressed up like a clown again!”, “Yes.” You’re not capable of anything at all!” etc. – count to 10, calm down and forget these words that are offensive to your husband. A man who is proud grows wings, but a man who is always criticized loses all desires, including the desire to return home. Read also:
  • Women's "things", like rolling eyes, snorting, unkind ridicule, boorish “shots” etc. - this is an expression of contempt that affects a man like a bull - a red rag.
  • Dead silence, icy silence and slamming doors - they will not punish the “unscrupulous” husband and will not make him think. In most cases, everything will be exactly the opposite.
  • Never do not allow yourself to quarrel with your spouse in front of strangers (and loved ones too) people.
  • A categorical taboo on insults and humiliation of male dignity. Even the most ideal man cannot stand this.
  • Never remember old grievances and do not compare your husband with other men.
  • Do not sort things out if both of you (or one of you) are in intoxicated .
  • Never end a fight by slamming the door. or a week of silence.


Basic rules of quarrel: how to swear correctly?

Comparing male and female psychology is a thankless task. The cause of a quarrel is often a simple misunderstanding. The husband gets angry because of his wife’s coldness, the wife because he doesn’t understand her, and in the end all the accumulated problems mercilessly fall out on each other.

But family means patience and a lot of daily work. And someone must give in. If the spouse is a wise woman, she will be able to resolve or prevent conflict in a timely manner.

What do you need to remember about quarrels?

  • Preventing a quarrel is easier than dealing with its consequences . If you feel that a storm is about to break out and a stream of claims will splash out on you, let your spouse let off steam. Don’t defend yourself, don’t attack, restrain the hurtful words bursting out in response – listen calmly and respond reasonably.
  • If you have complaints against your husband, then the worst option is to present them during a quarrel. . You cannot accumulate dissatisfaction within yourself, otherwise it will cover your family like a snowball. But, as we know, problems must be solved as they accumulate. Got a problem? Solve it right away - calmly, without shouting, without mistrust, attacks and contempt. Perhaps your problem is a figment of your imagination. Since you live with this person, does that mean you trust him? And if you trust, then there is no need to follow the path of maximum resistance.
  • Family life is a constant compromise. Without them it is impossible to coexist peacefully. Therefore, resolve any issues (whether ideological differences or others) reasonedly, delving into his point of view and explaining the advantages of yours. And don’t be afraid to speak directly - men don’t like hints and, as a rule, don’t understand. An example is a holiday gift. A man will most likely ignore the phrase “Oh, what beautiful earrings,” but the phrase “I want those!” will be accepted as a guide to action. And then there will be no such problem as resentment against your husband for his inattention.
  • If a quarrel cannot be avoided, remember - never say words you might regret later , and don’t hit the “sore spots.” Keep your emotions in check. You can throw out negativity and burn off negative feelings in other ways (sports, manual labor, etc.).
  • You choose a constructive form of dialogue – offer options for changing the situation, but do not blame your spouse for what happened. Firstly, it is meaningless (what happened happened, it’s already the past), and secondly, reproaches are a step back in a relationship.
  • Don't know how to express complaints without emotion? Write them on paper.
  • Use the delayed start method "(as in a slow cooker). Postpone the showdown for an hour (day, week). When you cool down and calmly think about the situation, it is quite possible that there will be nothing left to find out - the problem will exhaust itself.
  • Look for the problem within yourself. Don't blame all the sins of the world on your spouse. If there is a quarrel in the family, then both are always to blame. Try to understand your husband - what exactly is he dissatisfied with. Maybe you really should change something about yourself?
  • If you feel that the quarrel has dragged on - take the first step towards . Even if you refuse to admit your guilt, give your spouse the opportunity to emphasize your status as a man who is always right. Let him think that it is. It’s not for nothing that there is a popular phrase “a man is the head, a wife is the neck.” Rotate this “head” where you need it.
  • A man should always feel that you love him . Even during a quarrel. You are one, don't forget that. Read:
  • Don’t use “you”, speak from your “I”. Not “it’s your fault, you didn’t do it, you didn’t call...”, but “it’s unpleasant for me, I don’t understand, I’m worried...”.
  • Humor is the best assistant in any tense situation . Not sarcasm, not irony, not mockery! Namely humor. He extinguishes any quarrels.
  • Learn to stop on time , admit you are wrong and ask for forgiveness.
  • Tell him the same thing for the tenth time, but he doesn’t hear you? Change tactics or end the conversation .

Remember: your spouse is not your property. He is a man with his own ideas about this life, and he is a man. You love children the way they were born, right? Love your husband as he is.

The ideal formula for marriage is to perceive your spouse as a friend. If your friend is angry, nervous, screaming, you don’t send him back with a list of failures and failures in your relationship? No. You will calm him down, feed him and tell him that everything will be fine. A husband should be a friend too who will be understood and reassured.

Today I will tell you how to use quarrels with loved ones for your self-development. Yes, yes, the entire site is dedicated to cheat codes that allow you to either completely avoid suffering, or, if it is impossible to completely avoid it, then minimize its impact and make it work to your advantage.

Family quarrels and even fights are not that uncommon. I myself used to often quarrel with my wife, so much so that the neighbors often called the police to calm us down.

And all quarrels ended in severe resentment on both sides. Moreover, I was sure that my wife started everything, and she was sure that I was the instigator of the abuse. And we spent a long time proving to each other who started it first, but nothing useful came out of these disputes. We only deprived each other of our strength.

And then the idea came to me to record everything on video. But it was necessary to record the video not at the time of the quarrel (if during the quarrel I took the phone and started filming everything on video, this only caused even more aggression in my wife), but constantly, 24 hours a day.

We quarreled most often in the kitchen, and therefore it was necessary to install a permanent video surveillance source in the kitchen, which would film the beginning of the quarrel, its middle and its climax. After which, having already calmed down, the two of us could look at all this in the recording and see objectively who was right and who was wrong.

I started looking at different options - a simple video camera or a phone or a CCTV camera. But the video camera and phone had a big disadvantage - they filmed video as long as there was space on the memory card, and then stopped filming. And a video surveillance camera required a video server where the video would be recorded, and all this was not cheap.

And I found the best option - a regular car DVR with a built-in microphone and loop video recording. And I ordered on some Chinese website, either Aliexpress, or Taobao, the simplest DVR for 1000 or so rubles, this was many years ago.

Video is recorded on it in cyclic mode - that is, if the free space on the memory card runs out, the DVR starts recording video over the earliest video clips. Thus, it can record video 24 hours a day, continuously.

Such a DVR is placed somewhere on a shelf and after an hour everyone forgets about it. Immediately after a quarrel, I turned it off and after some time, having calmed down and come to my senses, it was very useful to look at myself from the outside. Personally, it was a shock for me to see my behavior, after which I made many important conclusions for myself.

And it immediately became clear who was right, who was wrong, who was the instigator of the quarrel, and who was only defending himself. And in general, for self-development, it is useful to look at yourself from the outside at such moments.

So I recommend that anyone who often quarrels with loved ones take this advice.

If you buy a car DVR:

  • take it with loop recording
  • with microphone
  • and so that you can purchase an adapter from a car socket to a 220 W apartment socket in the store.

For reference, it should be noted that this method will not remove your swearing, but it will help weaken it. In general, in my practice, the causes of swearing, fights, quarrels and brawls between spouses are most often unresolved problems in the relationship of children with their parents. Let's say a wife is very strongly attached to her mother, so much so that she subconsciously lives her fate (see technique of changing fate).

It seems that even though this is the wife’s personal business, only instead of the role of a wife, she also “plays” the role of a mother, with all her whims and desires. Therefore, the husband cannot cope with such a load, he subconsciously feels that something is wrong, but since it is usually not customary to talk about this among people, the person reacts as best he can - with aggression.

Therefore, in individual consultations, I quite often separate the client’s fate from the fate of his parent, so that the child, already an adult, can live his own life and his own destiny, and not carry the burden of his ancestors.

This is the main law of relationships - in order to merge (with your loved one), you must first separate (from your parents).

But there are also “problems of the soul” that you cannot solve on your own. Just as a tree, if it begins to dry out, needs the help of a gardener, so a person, in order to navigate the labyrinth of his destiny, needs help from outside. This formula was derived by Albert Einstein more than 100 years ago:

It is impossible to solve a problem at the same level at which it arose. You need to rise above this problem by rising to the next level.

I help you successfully solve such problems at a personal reception in St. Petersburg.

Congratulations to you! Best regards, Alexander Yakovlev

Quarrels are, of course, not at all what women dream about when they get married. But what to do if swearing has become a habitual way of clearing up misunderstandings in the family?

How not to quarrel with your husband, or at least do it as little as possible - the site will advise an unusual women's site.

Why do wives fight with their husbands?

Where do brawlers, “bazaar women”, noisy aunts who do not give their husbands a moment of peace come from? Why do once sweet and smiling brides face the problem of “we fight with our husband every day”?..

In most cases, the answer is simple - these women have a bad marriage. They are not sick, not crazy, and not mischievous on principle - they just feel bad.

For example, if you are suddenly pricked with a needle, you will scream. If you are stabbed every day, you will scream every time. If at the same time you see a needle in the hands of your tormentor, not being sure whether he will inject you again or not, you will scream without a real injection. You will begin to fear and hate the person who pricks you, even when there is no needle in his hand. You will begin to shudder, seeing the needles lying around, which no one touches or turns against you. Will you be a crazy “needle-phobic” after all, or are your reactions quite natural and understandable?

Of course, the second answer is correct.

It’s the same with women who often quarrel with their husband - those around them see the scandalous wife, but do not see how many times she has endured indifference, unfounded claims, aggression or something else from her husband. Surely, before the “grumpy hysterical woman” began to raise her voice every day and often quarrel with her husband, she intelligently asked him more than once, delicately hinted, or generally simply silently tolerated some of his antics.

As a result, the woman came to a dead end: in order to somehow get through to her husband, to at least somehow influence his behavior, she had to constantly yell.

And yes, the husband often yells in response to this - because he is also used to this situation, and mutual abuse has also become a habitual way for him to communicate with his wife.

Of course, women who are familiar with the problem want to somehow break this vicious circle of abuse and scandals. “Beautiful and Successful” will tell you which way to approach this task.

What to do if you want to avoid swearing?

How to stop arguing with your husband?

Here's what you need to do first: determine for yourself the range of issues over which you most often quarrel. Most likely, you won’t have to remember for a long time, you already know by heart every painful moment: you don’t help with the children and the housework, you don’t look for a good job, and who knows what else (not to mention the unnerving little things like - you don’t wash the dishes after yourself, often throws his clothes around, etc.).

So - understand that if he somehow changes some of this only as a result of strong scandals, then he himself does not need it. He's that kind of person. For example, lazy and not wanting to provide for his family, or unscrupulous, or mismanagement, or some other thing. What to do?

Option one

If you really want and can live with him like this, putting up with his shortcomings, then you can simply say to yourself: “from this day on, I give myself into slavery and will tolerate my master without swearing and quarrels, and he can live as as he pleases." And you will stop constantly arguing with your spouse, and in the eyes of others you will gain the reputation of a “wise wife” who preserves the family hearth at any cost.

And the fact that this price is giving up one’s own desires and ambitions and turning into a wordless servant under one’s husband is sheer nonsense, right?

Option two

This is if everything is completely boring, the husband does not hear any requests addressed to him without raising his voice, and you still do not want to live years as an all-forgiving and silently enduring “wise wife.”

Option three

Give up swearing and screaming, but not your desires and needs! What to do if you are tired of constantly arguing with your husband?

Proceed like this: at first you try to discuss every controversial issue calmly, but as soon as your husband starts swearing, you fall silent, end the conversation, and leave. Generally and completely. And so every time, many times - until the spouse understands that talking to you in a raised voice is simply useless.

If, with this behavior of yours, it turns out that your husband shouts and swears, even when he is not provoked to swear, and does not compromise, if they do not shout at him, but civilly ask and explain, then he is such a person. And that means you will have to return to the question again - can you live with this person, suppressing your personality, or would you like to leave?