Many people live in love and don’t even think about whether it exists or not. This, like air or water, is completely natural and simply cannot but exist. Others are skeptical about the concept of “love,” like the heroine of a famous film, who said in tears: “They came up with a fairy tale called “love” and console themselves with it.” In order to understand whether true love exists, whether it is a myth or reality, it is necessary to consider the points of view of opposing sides. The first side is the one whose representatives love and are loved. For them, this state is natural; they simply don’t know any other way. As a rule, love arises in the family. If parents love each other and perceive their marriage as a unity of souls for happiness and joy, children are born in such harmony who see the relationship of their parents and consider love to be the only correct and possible state on Earth. Of course, over time they will see that people can treat each other differently, but, brought up in love, they will perceive relationships through the prism of this feeling.
It is very important for parents to teach their children to respect all people, no matter what they are, how they were raised, no matter what families they come from. There is no better way to teach someone something or develop something in someone than by your own example. Therefore, the feelings of parents and mutual respect will easily pass on to the children raised in this family.
True love is limitless, endless and inexhaustible. There is boundless love in the world. The more you give of your love, the more of it you get as a result. The other side states that there is no love and that true love is more of a myth than a reality. As a rule, this side is represented by those who have experienced disappointment in love, betrayal, and betrayal. These are people who are in a state of depression, despair, lack of faith in people, feelings, the existence of goodness and justice. You can understand that they are in pain. Any stories about happy families can only anger them at the moment and make them furious. This will continue as long as they allow themselves to remain in this state. For now, life for them will be painted only in black and gloomy colors. As long as they allow themselves to be offended, angry, and cynical towards any manifestation of goodness. You can live your whole life like this, without feeling true love, without learning to rejoice, without believing in a miracle, in the possibility of celebration and happiness in your life. You can leave the doors of your soul closed, not letting in even a small ray of joy and faith. Belief that everything is possible in life if you really want it, and are ready to wait as long as necessary. Skeptics may argue that you can live your whole life waiting and never see love appear in it. Yes, you can! Do you need it?
Determine for yourself in what state you feel most comfortable: when do you complain about life and deny the existence of love and joy, goodness and happiness in it? Or, when you feel calm and good, do you want to soar above the ground and smile at strangers passing by? By the way, are you familiar with the last of these conditions? If not, why not feel it one day and stay in it?
Pessimists and cynics may argue that they don’t need it, they don’t want it, and in general, no one has ever loved them, not even their own parents, that the only thing they know in life is betrayal, disappointment and pain. Then you should try to change your life yourself and start enjoying what is happening around you, learn to give the warmth of your soul and share your love just like that, without asking for anything in return. Just warm the other person with your feelings, even if you don’t see them in return. This is a manifestation of unconditional love, the kind that a mother loves her baby, who, gradually growing up, begins to feel this love and understand that this is the greatest happiness - to be loved! And he will definitely begin to give love in return, but in the way he does it. Don’t judge him harshly, just teach him by your own example to love, no matter what, to love sometimes in spite of him. This is true love, without conditions, without reservations, without expectations, just warming with your warmth here and now, while you are alive and the person to whom you want to give your feelings is alive.
You can treat true love differently, consider it a myth or reality, choosing from the options the one that is closer at the moment. And you yourself know better where you are more comfortable: in joy and warmth or in denial of the existence of true love. But still, more people believe that love is reality!
How many fascinating novels and wonderful poems have been written about love at first sight. We so enthusiastically watch films in which genuine sympathy arises between a man and a woman almost at lightning speed, inevitably developing into something deeper.
Is this possible in our real life? We just see a person and suddenly feel that only he is our destiny. Very little time passes and the wedding day has already been set. We live happily ever after, and the feeling of incredible depth does not fade over time. Does this happen? Or is this just the fruit of our dreams and some kind of fairy tale? Let's try to figure everything out in order.
Is love at first sight real?
Some people are sure that love at first sight is quite real. They even say that they themselves have experienced this feeling. But many believe that this is only possible in dreams, daydreams and fairy tales. They are completely sure that initially there is only a strong attraction of a woman to a man and a man to a woman. But true love is an incredibly deep feeling. It can develop in our soul only gradually. This will take time.
First you need to understand what a first glance is. What do we mean by it? People see each other, and suddenly it seems to them that they have fallen in love with each other. But is it possible to understand in just a few seconds that this is the person in front of you who will become your soulmate, with whom you are destined to live happily ever after? How do you understand that this is a reliable partner who will help you endure all the difficulties that inevitably arise in our lives?
When we meet a person for the first time, we just like him very much. But we evaluate it only externally.
People tend to attribute to others certain qualities that must necessarily correspond to their appearance. If a person is beautiful in appearance, then it seems to us that he is sensitive, kind and has a lot of other advantages. We fall in love with such people most often. But the initial impression and our understanding may be wrong.
Quite often disappointment is inevitable. But it may not happen right away. Since such love arises on the basis of wrong ideas, it simply cannot be real. Of course, there are cases in life when people meet, experience attraction, and a deep feeling arises between them. They live together happily ever after. But this is just a coincidence, nothing more.
We see her or him and that's it. Life continues to go on as usual, but for some reason thoughts remain there. Such cases, although quite rare, are still not unique. It is important that the person falling in love is vulnerable, and that the person falling in love is effective. It is at this moment that a kind of anchor is created in our consciousness. Our brain is designed in such a way that at the slightest doubt, our consciousness inevitably returns to its anchors. We often don't know what to do. This is why first impression feelings are constantly being fed.
Sometimes it's simply impossible not to fall in love. Agree that a tastefully dressed woman or an impressive man cannot but be liked. Very often there is an irresistible sympathy. It begins to seem to us that we have fallen head over heels in love. But in reality this attraction is only physical.
Ideal people simply do not exist. We all consist of some advantages and certain shortcomings. There are simply no absolutely positive people. Villains and angels live only in fairy tales and in our imagination. Often we just don’t want to see the downsides of people we really like.
We try not to notice the bad things that are in them. This becomes the reason that a certain ideal is formed in our consciousness. A person falls in love with him, trying not to notice reality. For people to love each other, it is necessary that they have a commonality of a spiritual nature:
- they like to meet constantly;
- communicate on topics of interest to both;
- discuss what you saw and heard.
Love at first sight arises absolutely spontaneously. We see a person and suddenly feel an irresistible attraction, but this does not mean at all that this person is really close to us. Very often, as we get to know him better, we realize that this is far from our destiny.
What does it take for true love?
Upon closer examination, love at first sight is the most common attraction. Only true romantics are able to call this feeling true love. They generally tend to idealize the world and see everything around them in rainbow colors. For true love, external attractiveness alone is not enough. What is necessary for a truly deep feeling to arise?
- You need to talk to a person.
- Understand his inner world.
If after this your interest remains the same, then only in this case can we say that this is true love. You shouldn’t look at everything through rose-colored glasses, often mistaking physical attraction for something more.
In order not to be bitterly disappointed, be sure to get to know the person better and listen to the voice of your own heart.
We meet a person a second or third time and communicate with him. We understand what he likes, what he is interested in, what he prefers. In life, it often happens that the first impression was completely deceptive. Even after several dates, it’s difficult to say that real feeling has already arrived.
For now, this is just a superficial love, and nothing more. Only after a long acquaintance does true love come. It is quite possible that this is not the person with whom you are destined to live happily ever after. It often happens that your soul mate has not yet been found, and a truly deep feeling will arise much later.
Possible ways to develop relations
The person does not correspond to the image that we have come up with. We come up with an ideal for ourselves, endowing it with those features and qualities that we want to see in the object of our love. We try in vain to find them in a real person. If we fail to do this, then bitter disappointment sets in. As a result, such relationships are inevitably doomed to break.
We try hard not to notice that a real person absolutely does not correspond to the image that we have come up with for ourselves. We like a certain type, and we involuntarily look for it in representatives of the opposite sex. And sometimes we try to discover our own traits in others. On the one hand, this is good. But sooner or later a bitter collision with reality will still happen. The result can be truly unpredictable and sad.
You should not idealize others too much, so as not to encounter a discrepancy with reality.
We see that our ideal and the person we like do not correspond to each other. The desire to re-educate and at any cost to make the dream a reality will sooner or later triumph. We will want to create our dream with our own hands. We are trying to nag the object of our love so that it changes and becomes what we want. The result is quite predictable. Parting becomes inevitable. It is unlikely that anyone will like that they are trying to change him against his wishes.
Another scenario. Your loved one really tries to adapt to you. He changes completely, and his individuality is completely erased.
As children, we loved our parents so much. As we grow up, we unwittingly begin to transfer this feeling to others. So, for example, a guy meets a girl and suddenly notices that she has the quality that he loved so much in his mother. Or a girl likes a guy because she sees in him the features of her beloved father. As a result, we fall in love only because we see some obvious resemblance to our parents.
It is quite difficult to say that love at first sight exists. It is only possible to like each other. The real big feeling will come much later. Sympathy will develop into love. But this may not happen. You will get to know the person better and understand how close he is to you. The danger is that when you take a second look you will be bitterly disappointed. An ideal can be shattered into pieces by reality. Oh, how I want to believe in the magic of fairy tales and real dreams.
Love constantly requires maintenance, as it is a reflex of a psychological nature. Love at first sight will never last forever, no matter how much we want it to.
Related posts:The ability to endure suffering is worthy of respect; but, apparently, it is more important to learn to live in such a way as to save both yourself and those around you from suffering. As for love, it is formulated as a problem of managing your feelings: do you own them or do they own you?
How and where do feelings come from? Who manages them and can you do it yourself? To understand these difficult issues, we turned to the books of a professional psychologist, founder of the Sinton training center, Nikolai Ivanovich Kozlov.
It is difficult to manage your feelings: both because we are not taught this, and because many consider it simply unnecessary, they are ready to literally push away from it - if I don’t want to, I won’t!
Let's conduct a simple thought experiment: of course, this is a fairy tale, but imagine that the company “MYF” (Youth and Fantasy) has opened in Moscow, producing emotion regulators. This is a small box that should be carried in your pocket near your heart. On the box there is a toggle switch “I love you - I don’t love you”, and next to it there are volume (sorry, intensity) controls for love experiences and their coloring.
If I want it, I love it, and if I’m not up to it, I turn off love. They expect it from me, and I don’t feel sorry for it - I give it; my love is tormenting her - I’ll adjust it and do what she wants.
Now the direct question: who would like to purchase such emotion regulators for themselves (or for their loved one, husband or wife)? I know that more than half are categorically against it. Are they right?
They are probably right that you don’t want your feelings to be controlled by something external and mechanical. Man deserves a higher purpose than being controlled by a robot. But something else is alarming - after all, you can learn to manage your feelings yourself, without any fabulous emotion regulators from the MIF company.
There is no such company, there are no such regulators, but the task of managing your emotions and feelings is there. It is not easy, but it is completely real, and every person who is called a well-mannered, cultured person can do this to one degree or another.
Feelings are alive, you cannot control them mechanically, but you can and should live with them in harmony and manage them humanly. To push, stimulate, or dampen, or even prohibit - all this is in the power of man.
Of course, for this you need to do a lot of work - get acquainted and learn to use special techniques for managing your feelings. In our training center “Sinton”, as part of the Sinton program, we are happy to share our life and professional experience on how to customize your inner world as you wish, making the “spiritual weather” that you want.
Eros and Agape
Recently I witnessed an interesting scene in the park: he and she, lovers... They were sitting on a bench, hand in hand, but both were constrained and tense. Let's decipher: what does he want? He wants her: her attention, affection, love, and just her. What does she want? This is more difficult to say. On the one hand, she wants the same thing... But, firstly, to a much lesser extent, and secondly, certainly not now, but much “later”. And now she is primarily concerned with how, without losing him completely, she can still block his attack. He, in turn, understands that she will put obstacles for him, and thinks about how he can get around them, thinks through maneuvers. She understands perfectly well that he will look for workarounds and try to break through, so she is on guard in order to stop and stop everything in time.
And these two opponents, plotting military actions against each other, are called lovers... They are drawn to each other, they need reciprocity, but what they do only divides them. They do not yet know how to warmly get close to each other, they do not know how to build relationships, and their feelings are simply ill-mannered.
Indeed, let's think about it: the fact that you love a person apparently presupposes that you wish him happiness. However, are you sure that your love always makes this person happy? This is far from true, and from other love you don’t know where to go, you howl, you won’t see the white light...
The ancient Greeks made a very simple distinction in this regard; they spoke of two types of love - eros love and agape love. Essentially, love-eros is love-passion when I WANT... I want you to become happy. I want to be happy, I want to RECEIVE - and this is the main thing. And agape love - to a greater extent, I want to GIVE - to give my loved one what he needs, what will make him happy. Do you feel the difference?
From this point of view, let's look at lovers, let's look at ourselves!
Take a closer look at your boyfriend. As a rule, he walks with her, talks and does something nice for her (as is customary, as it should be, conscientiously fulfills his quota) and waits (and this is the main thing) for all this to return to him, when she begins to reciprocate, and even better, if she will love him. This is generally pleasant and valuable as a guarantee of future joys and benefits received from it. After all, this is a purely consumer attitude!
How else? Please, here is another example: he is waiting for the moment when he can say and do even more pleasant things for her, make every meeting a holiday - first of all for her, and grows love in himself as a guarantee of the desire to make her happy always.
I can’t and don’t want to forget what I heard from Tanya E., a member of our club and a person I deeply like: “Everything is very good with Sasha. I love him, we have warm meetings and wonderful sex. Only one thing upsets me: Sasha doesn’t love me, and this prevents him from being truly happy with me.” Tanya, thank you for such a high and wise attitude. I love you and believe that your life will work out as it should.
But for one such diamond there are hundreds of dirty cobblestones. Once I happened to hear a love monologue of a very temperamental man. I quote it verbatim: “I love her very much, so I want to see her all the time. And I don’t care that she has exams or other things to do, I need her, I love her and therefore I want to receive attention and love from her - as much as I want, and I want a lot, because I love her very much; and if I don’t get this from her, she will become a very bad person for me and I will tell her this - I can’t do otherwise, because I love her very much!”
This is not love, but the cry of a wounded egoist.
I found a curious note that could well be used as an epigraph: “I don’t believe in any love. I’ve fallen in love so many times, but when I get everything I wanted from him, that’s it.” Signed - Farida.
It is clear that it is important for everyone who loves to receive from their beloved, but for those who truly love, it is more important to give to their beloved. And, by the way, give exactly what he wants, and not just you. But not everyone thinks about what a loved one wants from us. But true love necessarily presupposes knowledge of a person. Love is respect for a loved one, recognition of his freedom, tolerance towards him, constant care for him, the desire to make every meeting with him a small holiday for him. But all this is not from the mind, but from the whole heart.
Do you already know how to do this?
Ideal love: myth or reality? Is such love possible, or is it just an invention of little dreamy girls. Many people associate love with the various emotions they experience when communicating with the object of their adoration, and come up with different names for them: selfless love, mutual love, eternal love, unrequited love, etc.
Each person has his own unique and inimitable love. And if the above “types of love” are familiar to many, then “ideal love” remains a mystery. Maybe this is the kind of love that does not require confirmation? But love itself does not require any proof, and it can be difficult to call it ideal. Or maybe this is a feeling that stays with a person forever. But people change over time, and love changes too. Probably, the ideal feeling of love does not require any obligations and does not limit human freedom. But all lovers strive for this in order to prolong their relationship as long as possible. Eternity. Some consider ideal love to be that which fully corresponds to their ideas about it. Rather, it is a beautiful love, not an ideal one. The higher the ideals, the more difficult it is to find a soul mate who fully corresponds to them. By putting forward excessive demands on the chosen one, a person risks being disappointed and losing heart. Sometimes there can even be a debilitating feeling of resentment and loneliness. It seems to the disappointed person that the chosen one betrayed him only because he could not meet all the requirements and ideas.
There is an opinion that the meaning of love is to forgive all offenses and treat feelings as a divine gift. And a divine gift, by its origin, can only be ideal.
Another sign of ideal love is its immensity. But any person in love does not measure the amount of love given and received. He just loves. So, any love is immeasurable.
One thing is certain: like any other, ideal love fills a person’s life with joy, happiness and meaning. People in love put each other's interests much higher than their own, they try to figure everything out for their soulmate, give warmth and tenderness, and surround them with care and attention. Are these signs evidence that love is in fact an ideal feeling, which not everyone is given to know to its very depth. Each age gives its own shades of love. In youth it is a passion like Romeo and Juliet, in the middle of life - quiet family everyday life and trust in each other, in old age - common memories and joy that your life partner has not yet left you. Ideal love is, of course, a myth. But this is also the real reality. Because for every couple in love, their love is the most beautiful, the truest and the most ideal.
