... no matter how busy people are,
they always have time for gossip
and observing other people.
Unfortunately (or for some, fortunately), gossip and rumors accompany us throughout our lives. First, everyone argues about who our father is, then who we sleep with, then who we give birth to.
Women are evil creatures, and many of them are also unhappy. Therefore, saying nasty things about other representatives of the fairer sex is a well-known tradition that probably came from dinosaurs :).
Today we'll talk about how to deal with gossip and people who don't like you. After all, pure ignorance is not always an effective method!
Usually those who somehow stand out from the rest deserve gossip and slander. Perhaps you are prettier than others, taller, slimmer, smarter.
Of course, in the mouths of rivals this may sound like “tower”, “nerd”, “mop”. But you have eyes, and you can really REALLY evaluate your appearance, which means that the words of others are just words. From here we derive the First Rule of Combating Ill-Wishers (FRN):
Not a single carelessly thrown word should affect your self-esteem, self-love, your mood and well-being.
All this is nonsense and empty, not worth your attention and your nerves. Treat everything with a sense of humor, prepare a few caustic phrases that can be used in the fight against enemies :).
- Violetta, do you have anything important to do other than discuss me? I'm sorry, your life is terribly boring!
- Hmm, girls, it's sad. Spend an hour discussing my person. It would be better if you looked through the magazine, maybe you will become wiser!
Understand that a person who is looking for a reason to annoy others is most often complex and deeply unhappy. That is why, every time he says unpleasant things about you, we remember the second PBN:
You are more successful, more beautiful and better than this person, so just smile and ignore everything they say about you.
Another way to stop gossip is to have an open conversation. Just go up to the gossip girl and say something like “Did I hear you saying stuff behind my back? Maybe you can tell me this to my face?” Few people can avoid being confused by such pressure. Usually the gossiper mumbles for a long time, then tries to say something, but it turns out badly :).
Ignoring, caustic phrases in response, active attack - all these are methods of dealing with those who say nasty things about you. In the finale it is worth remembering one more PBN:
Never stoop to the level of gossips and enemies by inventing tall tales about their behavior. Don't spread rumors in response. It is better to say to your face about the stupidity of your interlocutor than to whisper it after him.
I'll tell you a couple of stories from my own life. At school I had outright ill-wishers. I honestly don’t know why I caused their displeasure. Although I am still sure that I am an order of magnitude more beautiful, smarter, slimmer and wittier than each of this strange trio :).
I never touched anyone, my personality itself attracted too much attention. Too tall, too active, everywhere I come first:). Who would love something like this! And these Three Little Pigs: Dirty, Fatty and Stupid constantly bothered me.
I used all three methods. I ignored, I made attacks, BUT relief came only at the moment when each of them acquired a boyfriend :). Do you feel connected? Self-doubt breeds anger!
Many years have passed. We all live nearby, and I see each of the three often. Dirty learned to wash her hair, but honestly, it didn’t save her. So something remained in her appearance as unpleasant as a stale T-shirt :).
The fat woman has become even more shapeless, works in a factory, and is not sure that she eats anything better than fried potatoes and beer.
The silly girl became a model. Expected :). Still stupid, but at least beautiful :).
I received a higher education, instilled in myself excellent taste, I am slim, with long legs. I read books, don't watch TV, don't drink beer. I prefer to go to the theater, communicate with smart people, learn new things, laugh, and not pay attention to idiots :).
I think you understand who spent their lives discussing other people’s shortcomings, and who spent their lives making their own even more invisible.
Regarding the second situation, I'm honestly still in shock :). One girl doesn't like me. We don’t know her personally, we never studied together and never communicated. She just doesn't love me :). What can I say? Some people clearly have phase deviations :).
Trying to analyze or fight her “dislike”, I think, is useless. I don't even try. I have so much MY OWN life that living in a small town, unlike most residents, I don’t have time to notice who is with whom and how many times :). They notice everything. Including details of who I left with, what time I arrived and what bouquet I went home with.
Before I had a permanent boyfriend, I was noticed in some relationships:). I had boyfriends and friends in cars, they picked me up from home and brought me back. You can learn a lot about yourself when you leave home with a classmate in one car, and arrive with your brother in another :).
I’m telling you all this to say that live your life, don’t waste your time and nerves on all sorts of nonsense, and it will all be rewarded with success and happiness
Anyone can become a victim of gossip. It’s probably natural to be interested in the lives of those around you. After all, curiosity is a natural feeling for humans. We all don't mind talking about others, but when it comes to us, we get lost and don't know how to behave, how to react to conversations behind our backs.
Let's first define the concept of “gossip”. They must be distinguished from “slander.” A slanderer can, for example, be brought to justice in court, psychologov.net reports.
Gossip is the transmission of inaccurate information about someone, this is a “damaged telephone”: one person spoke about his guesses, another picked it up, and... the whole team is in the know. Gossip, like a fairy tale, is passed from mouth to mouth, everyone will add something, embellish it in their own way. Therefore, the original source of rumors is difficult to find. It is difficult to punish a gossip; it is not a direct insult.
Gossip happens in any group, be it male or female. It is not true that this is a more common disease in women. Men “wash their bones” no worse than women.
How to behave if people are gossiping about you?
Firstly, you need to remember that they are discussing those who differ at least in some way from others. Maybe you are single, and the rest are mothers or fathers of the family, maybe everyone dresses simply, and you dress in the latest fashion, everyone talks about children, about everyday problems, and you make dates over the phone... If they gossip about you, it means you are interesting .
There are gossipers who deliberately spread rumors. These are very insidious people who gain your trust, sometimes even provoke you to make unflattering statements about your colleagues and superiors, and then convey the information to the desired addressee. Having deliberately humiliated you in the eyes of management and the team, they set the goal of removing you from your position, or seeking your dismissal. These are people who, through intrigue, achieve the highest level at work.
Or maybe the gossiper is jealous of you? Or you once offended him, and in order to respond, he does not make a stormy scene, but simply plants gossip about you.
Is it possible to ignore gossip? You can, if it does not harm your family life or career in any way. But if the gossiper goes too far, then you need to talk to him. After this, he will simply lose interest in you, and maybe he will be afraid of exposure. Because gossip is usually spread by people who are insecure. By talking badly about someone, finding flaws and discussing them, the gossiper increases his self-esteem.
Learn to listen. Talk little. Remember? "Everything you say can be used against you." No matter how friendly the team may seem, talk less about yourself, about your family, about your life. Thus there will be no pretext for discussion. And if you really want to talk, then conversations about films, politics, fashion and cultural news, and TV shows will not harm your reputation in any way. On the contrary, you will be known as a well-informed person.
Another method of dealing with gossipers is to anticipate or prevent rumors. How does this happen? Colleagues are whispering that you are having an affair with your boss, and you need to see him. What to do? For example, when entering your office, leave the door open. And then there will be no reason for rumors. This is about prevention.
How to stay ahead of rumors? A colleague saw you on the street not with your husband, but with a former classmate whom you had not seen for a hundred years. Oh, horror! She will dream up something unknown to herself and spread it throughout the office! First, don’t forget to tell your husband about your meeting with your classmate. And when you come to work, do not make excuses in any way, and simply state your correct version. You make excuses, which means you are guilty.
To avoid becoming a spreader of any gossip, do not speak badly about others. Remember the proverb: what you don’t know how to praise, don’t blame. Do they gossip around you? Listen and then just forget.
Try to maintain normal relationships with your colleagues. Don't conflict. Look for the good in people, treat them with your soul. Give sincere compliments. Of course, you can’t please everyone and be friends with everyone, but you can be on good terms.
We like it when people say pleasant things about us behind our backs: they praise us, are proud of our successes, and describe the virtues of our character and nature. You begin to feel a hundred times more confident, self-esteem grows, and an incentive appears to achieve even greater heights. A completely different case is rumors...
Spread by evil tongues, they defame us completely undeservedly and “tarnish” our reputation. Why does gossip arise and how to deal with it?
Word of mouth
The mechanism for spreading rumors is very simple and is familiar to everyone since childhood. Remember the children's game “damaged phone” - this is the scheme by which incorrect information is transferred from person to person. This option is also called “oral folk art”. As a rule, in such circumstances, the participants in the process do not set themselves the specific goal of causing you harm or sowing confusion in your soul.
The culprit is ordinary human curiosity. And you yourself are to some extent involved in the start of the spread of gossip about yourself. How? Let’s say you told your girlfriend without a second thought while talking about men or a man specifically that you “seem very beautiful” the eyes of Andrei from the 3rd department. A friend, quite likely, draws a conclusion about your secret sympathy for this young man, and given that you are not married and your heart is currently free, she sums up within herself: “she fell in love with Andrey.” Maybe the person with whom the conversation about guys took place is a reliable person, but anything can happen: she “blurted out” to one of her mutual acquaintances about her conclusions about you.
And here we go: tomorrow you wake up as a woman who is simply crazy about her work colleague. Or maybe it’s even worse - the subject of discussion itself will learn about your imaginary “feeling” invented by others. 
How will you understand that you have become a victim of gossip in this case? The hypothetical Andrey, for no apparent reason, will begin to look askance at you and avoid the slightest contacts at work. Or he will show up in your office with a request to “talk”, and then tell you that he is busy, he has a girlfriend, and he cannot return your feelings, although you are very attractive and smart.
However, most often gossip is spread around a person by his ill-wishers, enemies who are eager to cause pain and harm to their victim. In this case, the information disseminated has little to do with reality, and sometimes is completely fictional. You shouldn't worry if this happens to you. It’s unpleasant, it’s offensive, but you can’t make excuses and pretend that all this bothers you. The first will play into the hands of gossipers, as it will prove to them the veracity of the rumors they are spreading. The second will cause a new attack of schadenfreude and will bring pleasure, but you don’t want your enemies to be thrilled with happiness? 
Know: slander in our country is punishable by law, there is an article of the same name in the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation, and it is quite possible for a very annoying gossip to be held accountable for his own words. To do this, you just need to go to court.
Methods to combat gossip
Ignoring. This method is very effective. If you do not react in any way to rumors about you, those who are engaged in denigrating you in the eyes of others will sooner or later get tired of this useless pastime. After all, the source of gossip is an energy vampire; in fact, the lack of return will not suit him, and he will go in search of a new victim.
Heart to heart conversation. Not the most pleasant way out of the situation, one might even say extreme. You should resort to this method only in the most extreme cases, when, for example, gossip threatens marriage or business success. There is a high probability that by talking with the person who brings imbalance into your existence, you will be able to put an end to the flow of dirt - using the already mentioned article on slander. 
Stop gossip about yourself in the bud. If the opportunity comes, do it by all means. Let's say you happen to run into your best friend's boyfriend at the supermarket. Of course, you start having a nice conversation. And then, out of nowhere, this same friend’s neighbor comes towards you. Having seen you having a nice conversation with a young man she knows, she is quite capable of conveying this to the attention of the “victim” in a distorted form. But if you get ahead of your neighbor by calling your friend during a conversation with a guy and telling her about a chance meeting, you will protect yourself from this kind of gossip.
The most important rule: do not worry about the rumors swirling around you, no matter how nasty and offensive they may be. After all, gossip means that other people are interested in you, and “if they are talking about you, it means you are still alive.” In other words, you stand out from the crowd if you excite the minds of your ill-wishers. 
Finally, some advice on how to deal with gossip about others. First, if you become a casual witness to rumors about someone, do not become an accomplice. Just ignore the information received.
Secondly, if another person trusts you with confidential information, keep it secret at all costs.
And thirdly, do not show excessive interest in the personal lives of others. In this way, you will protect yourself from possible involvement in possible gossip about a specific subject in the future.
Why does gossip arise and how to respond to it? In any society there are people who spread rumors and gossip from time to time. Gossip is inevitable both in everyday life and at work. People are capable of distorting facts for various reasons.
One of these factors is the availability of free time. It is not for nothing that pensioners, as well as those people who are not busy with anything, most often gossip.
By telling others about someone, the gossiper is trying to seem better than the person he is gossiping about. In addition, by revealing someone else’s secret, a person inspires trust in others and shows the opportunity to receive fresh news from him.
Rumors are spread by those whose life seems boring and gloomy. If a person has not experienced strong emotions for a long time, then he tries to get them by weaving intrigues about someone.
People like to gossip about more successful, rich, lucky people. Therefore, public people or someone they know who has achieved high results in something often become the objects of rumors.
One of the reasons for discussing someone can be lack of self-confidence. When a person wants to be talked about, but has not achieved significant goals, he himself begins to gossip, thereby justifying his weaknesses.
Every person has been the target of rumors from time to time. Some people enjoy being talked about. Sometimes such individuals themselves provoke the emergence of rumors. To do this, they demonstrate certain behavior, create scandals and sensations. However, there are few such people.
Many still do not like the fact that others distort true information about them. Insecure people with low self-esteem are especially sensitive to gossip.
They worry that others may believe false information. Such experiences can negatively affect the health of the person being gossiped about.
Methods of psychological combat against gossip
To reduce the negative impact of rumors, it is important to learn how to respond correctly to their occurrence.
It is worth thinking about the fact that some of the information that others pass on to each other has substantiated facts. Therefore, it is advisable not to disclose personal information at work, and also monitor your behavior. After all, even minor mistakes can cause condemnation and gossip in society.
When it is still not possible to avoid the appearance of rumors, the best defense against them is to ignore them. Since gossipers often expect some kind of reaction from the person they are talking about. Ignoring will cause gossipers to shift their attention to someone else.
It is important to understand that the one who is gossiped about most often looks more successful in the eyes of others. Understanding this will allow you to calmly treat intrigues about yourself, and pity for the loser gossip will replace aggression towards him.
If you still want to talk to the person spreading rumors, then it is advisable to do this in front of witnesses in a friendly manner.
There is no need to make excuses because of distorted facts. Because many will think that excuses confirm the information.
You can use a psychological technique to protect yourself from gossip. To do this, you need to imagine some kind of wall that protects you from false information, rumors and intrigue.
One of the ways to combat rumors and gossip is the non-participation of the person himself in such conversations. By not gossiping about others, you can avoid having intrigues about yourself.
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The women's site "Beautiful and Successful" will tell you today how to stop gossip and get out of an unsightly situation with honor. they discuss your life and actions behind your back.
Even the most innocent person risks learning a lot of “new” information about herself one day. At the same time, it is absolutely not necessary to give gossipers a reason for “language fitness.”
There will always be a good reason to talk about you, you just need to behave differently from the usual way.
Didn't you get enough sleep? Surely you have a new romance, and last night was stormy. Going out into the hallway to talk on the phone? You are definitely looking for a new job and are about to quit. Don't drink at a corporate party? One hundred percent pregnant!
Sometimes rumors can do you good. For example, a frightened boss will urgently raise your salary so that your competitors don’t lure you away.
But in most cases, there is little pleasant in uncontrolled information, untruths, “half-truths” or outright lies that are spread behind your back.
You're talking about personal things with a friend at work. This is a normal phenomenon, an act of trust. But, if, having gone “full circle” among your colleagues, the information returns to you in a distorted form, it means you've become the target of rumors. How to stop gossip in a team and stop this cycle?
Why do people gossip?
By “washing the bones” of other people, a person increases his importance, seeks confirmation of his own thoughts, and reflects on how he would act in a similar situation. Gossip unites, entertains and provides some outlet.
People often gossip about “ideal” women, trying to find any flaw in them. They begin to assume that you got married for convenience, received a promotion as a result, had permanent makeup or plastic surgery.
Others pick up this information, take it at face value and retell it under the guise of reliable facts. This is how gossip is born.
Innocent, albeit unpleasant, gossip is easy to stop. But what to do with real slander that ruins your reputation?
How to stop evil gossip - action plan
- If you hear something bad about yourself, don’t panic. don't let the situation control your lifestyle. Don't show how it hurts you or be cheerful and energetic as usual.
- Analyze the information, think about who is distributing it and why. You should only really care if the goal is you or other people to your detriment.
- Don't give in to temptation "launch" an even more ridiculous rumor about others in order to direct the energy of gossipers in a different direction.
Put out the flame
The easiest way to stop gossip in a women's group is completely ignore rumors, which circulate in the office. For example, we are talking about your looming romance with a colleague. In order for everyone to stop gossiping about this, it is enough to simply not answer questions, comments and not listen to the advice of “well-wishers”.
But for this you will need strong willpower. And, of course, it is best to take your personal life outside of the work area.
Ahead
An effective and effective way to stop any gossip is discover the source of the rumors and talk in person. Psychology believes that the desire to gossip quickly disappears as soon as the gossiper ceases to be anonymous.
If the object of gossip is someone else, and you know who is spreading it, seize the moment when they will communicate with each other, and unobtrusively wedge themselves into the conversation: “Lena, Olya says that on vacation you met a foreigner and are already planning to marry him. Please accept my congratulations!”
That's it, you can go back to your report. After such a move, the gossip girl will not risk spreading rumors about you.
How to stop gossip in a large group: have fun!
As soon as a rumor reaches you about you, “intercept” it and turn it into complete nonsense.
For example, everyone in the company knows that you dance and participated with the team in competitions abroad. One day it turns out that “you were offered a contract by the producer of a famous ballet.” Add that as a child you ran away from home with a traveling troupe, and now you have been invited to perform at Cirque du Soleil. The more implausible the information, the less people will believe in it, and the rumors will die out on their own.
If you want to know how to stop gossip in a creative team, remember example of show business stars. What do they do if a “terrible truth” suddenly emerges about them? Making an official announcement!
You don't have to give interviews to central TV channels. Write a post on a social network and harass everyone involved in the gossip process. It is important not to make excuses or try to gain sympathy. Be creative and present yourself in a positive light. This way you will be able to avoid a personal conversation, put gossipers in their place and show that you are smarter.
And the most effective way to stop gossip is live your own life, concentrate on positive things and, of course, in this unworthy process!
