“Loving others is a heavy cross...” There is an opinion that in a couple, one person loves, and the other only allows himself to be loved. But can't two people love each other equally? To be together out of mutual sympathy, on equal positions? And which option is still better in a relationship: to be loved or to love yourself? Is it possible to find a “golden mean” in feelings?
Some women are definitely lucky in choosing a partner, a life partner; they somehow easily find a good, suitable man who knows how to appreciate his beloved, respect her, and take care of her. But there are also women who constantly connect their lives with “scum, scoundrels, scoundrels and assholes” (this is in the words of these same offended women). At the same time, they fall head over heels in love with these “goats” and begin to poison their lives with enviable stubbornness.
Why is this happening? After all, each of us, women, consciously makes our choice, no one drags you by the hand to this particular “goat”, you yourself begin to build a relationship with him. And it turns out that if there is a “goat” next to you, then who are you?
If you want to have a king next to you, then first become a queen!
Learn to value yourself!
Men see with the naked eye women who are ready to make sacrifices for them. And many men take advantage of this. If a woman does not learn to love, respect and value herself, then she will constantly meet men who will take advantage of her and assert themselves at her expense. Therefore, it is very important for every woman to learn to value herself and understand that she deserves all the best in this life.
No need to sacrifice yourself
A man who is truly worthy will never let you suffer. He will try to do everything to make you feel good around him. It is he who will be ready to perform feats, beautiful deeds for your sake, will protect you with all his might, protect you and do everything for your happiness, comfort and peace of mind. Because of this, it’s not a sin to cry, but as you know: “Not a single person in the world is worthy of your tears, and the one who is worthy will never make you cry.”
Don't shed your tears over unworthy men, they are not worth it.
This does not mean that you just need to accept love without giving anything in return. Not at all. You need to love and you also need to give a piece of your soul, but only to those who deserve it. Not to someone who doesn’t value you, considering himself the center of the Universe and not caring about your feelings, but to someone who sincerely values you.
The trouble with many women is that they are too sacrificial, they are treated disrespectfully, but they tolerate it, and also find excuses for their men. They become even more attached to them, resigning themselves to their female lot, ceasing to respect themselves. This reminds me of some kind of dog devotion. For example, some drunkard gets himself a dog, beats it, humiliates it, but it still licks his face and hands and follows on his heels. And even though he sometimes hits her hard and cruelly, she still remains by her side, just whining pitifully, and endures everything and forgives everything.
And if you behave like this unfortunate dog, you will get just such a cruel owner. You need to increase your self-esteem. It is important to determine for yourself what kind of man you need, what qualities do you want to see in him? Why can he be loved and appreciated? And is he worthy of your tears and nerves?
Don't make a man a "crutch"
Another big mistake many women make is that without a man they don’t feel complete. Leaning on a man as a crutch, there is a risk of forgetting how to walk independently.
“A loved one should not be a crutch, but the back of a sofa. I can sit straight, having my inner core, I won’t fall, I’m independent, but I know that I have support behind me, if I get tired, I can lean on it, I have a reliable back,” these words belong to an ordinary girl who made such conclusions after breaking up with her loved one. And they broke up precisely because she completely devoted and gave herself to him, became fixated on this man, abandoning all her interests and hobbies, dissolving in her beloved and almost losing herself in him. He didn't appreciate it. Because any person needs to learn to love and respect themselves, first of all, to be a whole person, and not half of someone or something.
“Bad men make a woman strong, and good men make a woman happy.”
Of course, most often we learn from our own mistakes, from our own experience. We choose the “bad” ones first, because we ourselves are not yet good enough, wise and self-sufficient, and these “bad” ones are a kind of our teachers, they force us to rethink something and change. And it is useless to tell a woman in love when she chooses the next “goat”: “Open your eyes, he is not a match for you. You deserve better,” because at the moment it seems to her that he is the one who is capable of “causing” her happiness. Well, this is the woman’s personal choice; there is no point in protesting here. Let him try, learn from his mistakes, and besides, there will really be happiness for a while. And the memories will remain, unfortunately, not always pleasant ones.
Of course, you need to love men, because a woman’s heart without love becomes stale and dries up, like a flower without life-giving moisture. But if this flower is filled with water, it will also die, so moderation is important in everything. And it can and must be found, this very golden mean.
Loving and being loved is the natural state of a woman. But still, allow a man to be a man, give him the opportunity to show his feelings, his tenderness and care towards you. Allow yourself to be loved and love yourself, but just don’t throw yourself “into the pool headlong” - this, as a rule, does not lead to anything good
Essay on literature: “What is more important: to love or to be loved?”
Love is a sublime and bright feeling. What is more important: to love or to be loved? I believe that there is no clear answer to this question. It seems to me that both are important, so I give preference to mutual love. How warm it becomes in the soul of a person in love when he realizes that his feelings are mutual. It is quite difficult to achieve sincere mutual love. You need to look for that one and only thing for a long time to become truly happy. Sometimes you have to go through many years to feel what it means to truly love. So, love is diverse, but it is still very good if it is mutual.
To prove my point, I will allow myself to turn to works of fiction. Let us give an example of mutual love from L.N. Tolstoy’s novel “War and Peace.” The main character of the novel, Natasha Rostova, having married Pierre, realized that her happiness lay in her family. Her children and husband made her happy. Even though outwardly she had changed for the worse, she had gained a lot of weight, but this did not bother her at all. The main thing for her and Pierre is mutual love for each other. What seemed surprising to me was that Natasha got the better of her husband. She commanded him, but at the same time she cared for him. When Pierre was working, Natasha sought complete silence in the house. Pierre obeyed his wife, and he liked it. At the end of the novel, we learn that Natasha and Pierre already have four children, and this is a confirmation of mutual love and happiness.
Kuprin’s work “Olesya” also shows mutual love, only it was sacrificial. Namely, it is through sacrificial love that we understand that we are loved. The focus is on Ivan Timofeevich and Olesya. One day, while hunting in the forest, Ivan Timofeevich wanders into the house of his grandmother, who lived with her granddaughter Olesya. After this incident, Ivan Timofeevich became a frequent guest in this house, because the heroes fell in love with each other. They encountered many difficulties on their way. One day, Ivan Timofeevich learns that a police officer came to these women demanding that they vacate the hut before a certain date. Ivan Timofeevich helps them by sacrificing his gun, which he gives to the policeman. Of course, the constable leaves them alone. Olesya, having learned about this act of Ivan Timofeevich, feels love for him. At the end of the work, we learn that our heroine also makes a sacrifice for the sake of love. Firstly, she decides to go to church, although she knew that this act would not lead to anything good for her. And indeed, she experienced humiliation and bullying from women. Then Olesya overcame herself for the sake of love, and she and her grandmother left this place. We see that our heroes loved each other and were ready to make sacrifices for the sake of their loved ones.
Let me draw some conclusions based on all of the above. Love plays an important role in a person's life. This is great happiness - mutual love. Prove to your loved ones that they are dear to you. And, of course, love each other!
Sokolova Maria, 11th grade, Municipal Educational Institution Secondary School No. 1 named after Ivan Nechaev. Chistye Bory, Kostroma region.
However, unfortunately, it is not always possible to both love and be loved at the same time, this is how our life works. “We choose, we are chosen, how often this does not coincide,” remember the words of the famous song?
They are based on the sad truth of life: very often either we love or they love us, and often there is no third option. The question inevitably arises - what is better: to love, or to be loved and allow a person to love you? What are the pros and cons of both one and the other relationship?
If you love, but you are not, then in a certain sense this is a tragedy.
Knowing the real situation, you do not count on reciprocity, since you cannot force a person to love - after all, you cannot order your heart. You live with the feeling that the person you love could fall in love with someone else at any time and you will lose them forever. You want to see him as often as possible, take care of him, do something nice for him, but he is not always able to appreciate the noble impulses of your loving heart.
And you know that this cannot continue for long, but you can’t help yourself - because love is evil. However, this state of affairs can also find its advantages. One of the main advantages of such a relationship is that your heart is filled with love, and love, as you know, ennobles a person, makes him better. A person cannot live without love, and in this case it does not matter whether the feeling is mutual or not.
A person who loves, especially if it is a woman, begins to look at life and everything around him differently, and even though you know that your man does not reciprocate your feelings, you feel that your life is filled with meaning and rich inner content.
True love is impossible without jealousy, without suffering and worries, and if your love is not reciprocated, but you continue to love, this speaks of the wealth and breadth of your soul - because you do not demand anything in return.
If the relationship develops in such a way that the person with whom fate brought you together loves you, and you only allow him to love,
without experiencing practically any feelings towards him, then the situation is completely different. A wide field opens up for you to manipulate this person, and many women make excellent use of this - they gratefully accept expensive gifts and do not feel any remorse for simply using a person who is inflamed with a feeling of love for them.
You are not jealous (or jealous, but just a little), and you feel practically no responsibility for this person. The advantage is that you live a calm life and enjoy the fruits of your man’s love for you. The downside is that your heart is not filled with love, you do not experience this exciting and ennobling feeling, which at all times has inspired people to exploits and good deeds.
What is better anyway: to love, but to know that you cannot count on reciprocity, or to allow another person to love you? Considering all the pros and cons of one and another relationship, each woman must decide for herself what is closer to her.
Who should love whom more: a man or a woman? The debate about whether to accept love or give it and whether it is necessary to measure its strength will probably be eternal.
We will start with the fact that no one owes anyone anything, especially in love. The need to love and be loved is inherent in nature, which is why we strive for reciprocity with all our might. Knowing that you are loved and someone really needs you is boundless happiness.
Feeling how you are overwhelmed with emotions just from the mere fact of the existence of your loved one is an unearthly pleasure. And weighing love on dubious scales “as it should”, comparing with others, measuring, pushing into standards - all these manipulations are not conducive to feelings and do not strengthen relationships.
Oh, these madly in love, so cute during their first dates, argue over trifles and their arguments are so sweet and harmless: “I Love You Very Much” - “no, I am!”, “I am stronger” - “and I am stronger.” It becomes no laughing matter when one is really strong and strong, and the other is “Thank you, I’m very pleased.”
It should be noted that in any environment there will be familiar couples with a visible advantage in favor of one of the partners. In one couple, female love dominates. She blows away specks of dust, tries in every possible way to please and predict his thoughts and desires. He can accept love favorably, and sometimes he takes advantage of his position with impunity, being insolent or manipulative. As an antipode - illustrations from the series “The Little Spoiled Princess and Her Faithful Page”, where he already carries his chosen one in his arms, adores, extols, forgives weaknesses and indulges her whims. If no one suffers from such a distribution of roles, then everyone is happy. But usually, like a thorn, the thought sits somewhere deep: “I Deserve More, I Deserve Special Treatment.”
Myths and reality.
Since childhood, one could often hear from mothers, grandmothers and experienced friends: “in a couple, one loves, the other allows himself to be loved. A man should love more - when he loves, idolizes, he will not leave, will not cheat, will not betray, such a union will be strong and long-term ones. Whoever is less interested in the relationship has all the power.” In adulthood, habitual attitudes prevent you from seeing the real picture. It is difficult to put up with them, it is even more difficult to eradicate them, and the experience of unsuccessful novels tempts you to think again: “Probably Mom Was Right.” It is clear that the widespread myths have no basis. Love has no rules, everyone chooses their own, acceptable. But the position in life is firmly taken and cannot be retreated.
The habit "is a kind of control over the situation" of Giving. The role of the victim has been chosen, which at a convenient moment can be used in the heat of a quarrel: “I Gave So Much to You, I Did So Much for You.” What follows is a detailed list of sacrifices thrown on the altar of “Unselfish” love: wasted best years, damaged health, missed opportunities. In other words, a feeling of guilt is cultivated in the partner and a burden of responsibility hangs over him. I can understand you. You give - you give, you invest - you invest, but they are taken for granted. Secretly and openly you are angry that you are not appreciated, not respected, openly used. But you yourself chose such a partner and the appropriate behavior. What's the point of demanding special favors if you won't be nice by force? Only if you give, then voluntarily, love - certainly, without counting on return.
Zinaida, 29 years old. “Loving is as good and pleasant as being loved. I don’t presume to judge how much my husband loves me. I know that in our couple there is mutual respect and devotion. It’s not worth throwing around phrases about who is stronger than whom, or finding out in words , why? Stronger - weaker, how is love measured, how can it be checked, what kind of instruments are needed? What is important to me is love itself, what it gives, what fruits it brings.”
Those who are afraid that their heart will break calculate everything in advance. Falling in love is scary, because control over oneself will be irretrievably lost and there is a possibility of surrendering completely to feelings. Therefore, in a relationship you prefer to take, accept love. Habit "is a way of protecting"Taking. By choosing men whose feelings are superior to yours, you thus seek to protect your heart from disappointment in the event of an unsuccessful outcome of the romance. The consumer ideology of taking without giving anything in return - “let them love me” - is inherently flawed. You can't just take advantage of a person and his attitude. Someone will definitely object, but if this someone allows you to sit on your neck, is he satisfied and happy? Are you sure that he is happy and this does not threaten anything in the future?
Maria, 27 years old. "A relationship when a man loves me more than I love him is preferable and safer for me. I know that in this case he will do everything for me, for my good, for our relationship. Unearthly love happened to me. It all ended in a banal breakup with broken dishes, telephones, the destruction of everything that once connected us. Now I appreciate the love of another person, but I prefer not to throw away my feelings. I can’t say that I’m using a person, or rather, I’m calmly showing emotions. on the shore, while the ocean of love passion rages."
In a normal couple, the roles of giver and taker alternate in equal proportions, this is called harmony. The desire to give comes from the heart, from the soul; take and accept with gratitude. Expressions of selfless unconditional love must be valued. If you sit on your neck for a long time or give yourself completely, everything can end in disaster.
Elena, 30 years old. “A man, as you know, is a hunter, he must win his woman all his life, and if a girl loves more, then what is the interest in her? Only if the man is a wimp and a bore, then they will have a happy family. In happy couples partners fall in love with each other again every time. It all begins with a candy period, then irritation, mutual reproaches, and tension accumulate. A normal couple eventually resolves all conflicts. With age, such “Falling Again” usually occurs on vacation or when the wife gets a new haircut. I have a theory about this."
How to measure it?
The main indicator of the power of love is actions. "Love" is a verb. Small gestures, serious actions, manifestations of care, attention, participation - all this is added to the treasury of relationships and ultimately helps in resolving conflicts. Let's include economics in the sphere of love relationships and imagine it from a material point of view. Let's say your relationship is a kind of bank, an emotional checking account: everyone invests as much as they see fit. Calculation is fair above all else. But if one loves, the other allows, one deposits, and the other skips contributions, but uses the account constantly, without denying himself anything, this legitimately offends the ardent payer, and the desire to replenish the bank deposit disappears.
We need to keep an eye on the emotional balance together and pay the “Payment” regularly. A friend of mine likes to say: “It’s never too much.” I completely agree with his hypothesis, you need to give while you are in the mood. “It only seems at first that if I try - to work hard, to invest, then the other side will get used to it and forget how to appreciate my impulses. In fact, when you want to do something pleasant, perform a deed or even something insignificant for your loved one, you don’t put it aside, do it for your health and joy, first of all, for yourself.”
Many ladies tend to dramatize life circumstances and see everything in dark colors. Comparing themselves with other women, they begin to “gain” complexes and acquire fears. After all, someone always seems happier and more attractive. Is this really so? You can't judge a person without knowing him. The girl begins to make attempts to get closer to the opposite sex and sometimes can actually fail. But this does not mean at all that she is doomed.
The problem is precisely in the attitude to the situation - a fanatical desire for a goal and non-acceptance of defeat lead to deep depression. You shouldn’t get hung up on it, you need to understand yourself first. What are you willing to do to make your life flow in a different direction? You need to start changing your habitual attitude towards yourself. How will this help? The answer is obvious - the phrase “I want to love and be loved” will no longer be an unattainable goal for you!
I often hear this opinion. Which I fundamentally disagree with.
For a normal woman, it is important to love each other; everything else is just a choice of two evils. It’s hard for me to imagine how you can live under the same roof and go to bed every day with a person to whom you are indifferent. This is hell, and only wooden women who don’t care about everything except their married status can withstand this. I have a friend who, at the beginning of our acquaintance, insisted that she got married without love, and allegedly fell in love with her husband later, for his good attitude towards her. And after a while I found out that all her married life she had been getting “love” on the side, because in a normal person the need to love is as strong as the need to be loved.
And the fact that you can fall in love out of gratitude is the greatest self-deception, in which we women are great masters.
There is no symmetry in love. Some of the couple love more romantically, while for others family feelings predominate, for others the erotic component is more pronounced in their feelings, for others it is personal.
By the way, in nature there is no complete symmetry at all, and it has been experimentally proven that symmetry causes subconscious rejection in people. To be passionate about something, it must be “a little wrong.”
But that’s not about that now.
Very often, marriages are created with a much greater desire of one of the partners. Remember? Some people love, while others only allow themselves to be loved.
And many people think that it is better to be loved than to be loved. But is it?
A feeling of love, passion, romantic excitement - this is a kind of fuel that helps one person painlessly adapt to another. When you love, you don’t notice at all when you step over yourself in something, in something you unconsciously become more attentive, able to enter into the position of another, show understanding and provide support.
What you have to do in the early stages of a family relationship turns out to be much easier for the Lover to do.
And the one who is loved more, on a conscious level, also understands that it is necessary to work on creating a harmonious existence of a couple, but he does not have enough fuel in the form of passionate desire, and therefore it is he who will have to spend more effort, a much larger amount of mental investment in relationships to rebuild them.
Thus, when entering into a relationship with a person who loves you, you need to be aware that YOUR path will be fraught with significant difficulties and a lot of internal work. If you are not ready for this, it is better to give up this relationship.
If you are loved, then this is great happiness and, if you understand this, then it is quite possible to build your union on this basis. Such relationships are possible, but only if you work hard.
The person Beloved receives enormous power over the person who loves him. Know how to use this power, resist the temptation to “ride” the one who loves you, because he will “endure everything.”
There are too many stories in the practice of a psychologist when (as one wise client of mine said) the law of physics comes into play:
The passion of the lover will certainly weaken over time, and then the one who was loved will feel too much discomfort - they stopped feeding him with love, they stopped investing in him, and he is already sufficiently dependent on these emotional infusions.
And then, as in a thriller, the one who loved enters the arena: ideal conditions have arisen for a kind of revenge. They will shed what is called a cat’s mouse tears in full, and, as my grandmother used to say, “the elbow is close, but you won’t bite.”
This is a reminder article))) - Treasure those who love you.
I can’t help but add to this article the Commentary of the One Drawing on Glass, because it contains the whole essence (no, not my article at all), the whole essence of relationships, life, love:
Loving is a miracle, magic, a gift of fate. Love gives you the strength to forget or discard your own fears, complexes, mistrust, and uncertainty. Lover - you are God. You have the strength to be strong, gentle, kind, patient, and not expecting anything in return. If we are talking about love, it brings out the best in you.
Through love it is as if you recognize your true self. A pure self, without any turbidity of confusion and doubt.
Being loved is a burden.
To love is freedom.
And when combined, they give strength to voluntarily, freely and with a smile, take on the happiness and burden of being with another.
Aphorisms and quotes on the topic of loving or being loved
There is only one happiness in life - to love and be loved.
George Sand
I want to be loved or to be understood - which is the same thing.
Bettina Arnim
How little they need: just to be loved. How much do they need...
Henryk Jagodzinski
A woman is weakest when she loves, and strongest when she is loved.
Erich Osterfeld
To be loved, the best thing is to be beautiful. But to be beautiful, you need to be loved.
Francoise Sagan
To be loved is an irregular verb. It only has past and future tense, but no present.
Yanina Ipohorskaya
If you want to be loved, love.
Seneca
I love and I am loved. Alas, this is not the same person.
Yanina Ipohorskaya
Not being loved is misfortune; To stop being loved is an insult.
Charles Montesquieu
Hell is when you can no longer love.
Georges Bernanos
And she already loved him a little less, because he loved her a little more.
Andre Gide
The need to love is so strong in a person that some women even begin to love their own husbands.
Pitigrilli
The woman does not want people to talk about her love affairs, but she wants everyone to know that she is loved.
Andre Maurois
I like not only to be loved, but to be told about me that I am loved.
George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans)
A woman does not want to understand that loving her forever does not mean loving her all the time, without interruptions.
Jacques Deval
There is no such thing as unselfish love. If you say, “I love you,” it means, “Love me.”
Andre Birabeau
Love is the best policy; not only for the one who is loved, but also for the one who loves.
Aldous Huxley
Love is stronger than self-love: you can love a woman even when she despises you.
Luc de Vauvenargues
If a woman loves you, then, in essence, the one she loves is not you. But the one she no longer loves is you.
Paul Geraldi
The person you love in me is, of course, better than me: I am not like that. But you love, and I will try to be better than myself.
Mikhail Prishvin
“What is better - to love or to be loved?” - "Be in love. At least you have a choice here.”
French historian Léon Treich, citing the Duchess of Clausel
“Why do they say that it is better to love than to be loved?” - “Because it’s more reliable!”
Sash? Guitry
We seek the love of others in order to have an extra reason to love ourselves.
Denis Diderot
There is nothing more annoying for a man than a promise to love him “always”, while he would prefer to be loved for two or three weeks.
Helen Rowland
For a woman, not to be loved is a misfortune; never to love is a tragedy.
Dorothy Dix
It's so easy to be loved, so hard to love.
Francis Scott Fitzgerald
Why is it important for some to know that you are loved, while for others it is important to love yourself?
One very popular Russian singer has been talking for many years, both in his work and in a more traditional way, about his unearthly, enduring love for another very popular Russian singer.
This is part of his image and, probably, part of his nature. The most interesting thing is that for this person reciprocity is not of primary importance. He revels in his own love, and its unrequited nature gives a special color to his feelings.
It is very easy to love an ideal. He cannot disappoint, he is always constant, he was invented by us ourselves according to our own requests. This is love that always burns, it is insured against disappointments. In a word, this is a very beneficial feeling.
The opposite story is that a person cannot live without the feeling that he is madly loved. Moreover, it doesn’t matter who loves. The main thing is that he constantly feels someone's crazy dependence on him.
Such people often collect admirers or admirers, and constantly “monitor” the degree of love and the quality of affection. There are several reasons for this: internal complexes that eat a person from the inside, “sagging” self-sufficiency, hypertrophied egocentrism.
etc. by the list. But the paradox is that women find them themselves, fall in love, and live with them, destroying themselves and their lives.
Why does everything happen this way? In our modern world, marriages occur on a voluntary basis, i.e. Everyone makes a conscious choice, and if you started building a relationship with a bad guy, it's your choice. And if, according to your opinion, your chosen one turned out to be a “goat,” then who will you be next to him?
If you want to live with a king, then first become a princess! This means that you must learn to value yourself first.
Women who are ready to sacrifice themselves are quickly identified by men. And accordingly, they begin to use it with pleasure. If you do not love and value yourself, then in your life there will be only “goats” who will take advantage of you and assert themselves at your expense. You have a choice: either live with bad guys and sacrifice yourself for them, or learn to love and respect yourself, and believe that you deserve only the best in this life.
Don't take on the role of victim.
A man who deserves you will never allow you to suffer. He will do everything to make you feel happy and loved next to him. And you won’t have to cry next to him, except perhaps from joy.
And remember, the man who made you cry will never appreciate your tears, which means he is unworthy of them.
Of course, love does not tolerate selfishness. You can’t just accept love, you need to give it, but give it to those who deserve it. Remember how Eduard Asadov said:
“To love is first of all to give.
To love means your feelings are like a river,
Splash with spring generosity
To the joy of a loved one."
Conventions, stereotypes or social attitudes, but most women in love choose the role of the victim, they forgive everything and tolerate everything, they are ready to betray their principles for the sake of their beloved man. But men don’t need such sacrifices; they burden them, irritate them, frighten them, and therefore relationships die over time. And it’s not the man’s fault, they didn’t ask you to sacrifice yourself.
In life, you get what you choose. You have chosen the role of the victim, you have come across a man - an executioner who will constantly “execute” you for any mistakes. Choose the role of a confident woman and you will meet a real man who loves you. Determine for yourself what kind of man you want to see next to you? The one that makes you cry or laugh?
Don't be afraid to love, without love your heart turns to stone. And the world around you becomes gray and dull. It is love that makes your world colorful. But when you love, don’t go to extremes. A strong feeling can turn into an obsession and will only destroy the relationship. But even when you don’t love the man himself, he will feel it and find someone who will reciprocate his feelings.
Love is: Definition from the point of view of psychology There are three completely contradictory interpretations of the concept “Love”:
- Love is a state of falling in love - a disorder akin to neurosis, when attention weakens, vigilance is lost, a person becomes “detached from this world.”
- Love is an internal drug when the brain releases pleasure hormones, dopamine, a feeling of happiness and serenity.
- Love is a painless habit, a person's need to feel loved, to give these wonderful emotions to others, to be happy and satisfied.
Psychologists say that true love is similar to love for a child, an indicator of a pure soul, dedication to the end, care and renunciation, this cannot be understood with the head, only felt in the heart.
Love is an objective concept, for one person to love is to give gifts, for another it is to sympathize and empathize, and for a third it is to give one’s life without delay. It is sometimes very difficult to take and explain this feeling in words.
What is love between a man and a woman
You can talk about love for as long as you like, in different vectors of direction. First of all, it is caring, selfless, bringing only satisfaction to the lives of both individuals. This is a kind of counterbalance to suffering for the individual. Everyone he met, at least once, once dreamed of connecting his life with an individual who could change his existence, add colors of emotions to it and create harmony. At the same time, people tend to reduce such a sublime feeling to intimate attraction.
Yes, naturally, the traditional foundation of love is sexual attraction. Since neuroscientists have proven after studying the brain activity of people in love that sexual desire is a goal-setting dopaminergic motivation that promotes the formation of pair bonds. First of all, sexual desire appears as a fundamental factor in adolescence, when the values and adequate worldview of the individual are not fully formed. Mature age is characterized by a more hidden manifestation of intimate intentions. The subject is mistaken when he perceives fleeting attraction or excitement as the source of love.
Ray Bradbury has such a wonderful phrase with which I cannot but agree: “Love is when both people love each other. When one loves, it’s a disease.” If you think about it, this is actually true.
Love without reciprocity does not exist
If someone loves, but he doesn’t, then it’s most likely not about love at all, but about the fact that the girl has a lot of fantasies in her head and most of all she loves to suffer. It is suffering and fantasy that underlie unrequited love. Psychologists note that those who suffer from this type of love, as a rule, are women who are afraid of real relationships, which precisely lead to love and relationships. Unrequited love does not imply a relationship as such.
As for the opposite situation - when they love you, but you don’t, then everything is not so simple here either. Of course, it’s nice when you are loved, showered with gifts, flowers, and so on. If you see relationships in this way, and most likely they do not exist without a touch of commercialism and pleasure derived from power over another person, then this format is suitable for you. And you are in the right place.
I am glad that most people, both men and women, strive to ensure that love is mutual. Believe me, no one wants to love and feel that their partner values gifts, social status and financial opportunities more than him. Yes, and women who suffer from unrequited love, deep down in their souls, dream of being loved too.
Therefore, answering the question, what is it better to love or be loved, I can answer with one hundred percent confidence: the best thing is to experience reciprocity and rejoice in the fact that your feelings are completely shared by your loved one. Mutual love is the path to harmony. Otherwise, when you are loved, but you are not, and vice versa, this is the road to stress, neuroses, complexes, betrayal, scandals, depression and so on. It does not happen that a healthy person loves, suffers from the fact that it is not reciprocal, and is happy. And love means precisely that people should experience happiness in relationships with the object of their feelings.
